OK - no way I'm gonna get to everything here today that I had in mind for the 100th post (now the 101st post), but I will start in and hopefully get everything up in 2 (or 3) installments. I'm on vacation this week and had hoped to avoid the computer completely. Alas, I can't curb the urge to check my email, in case something catastrophic comes up with work - although granted, that's highly unlikely in my extremely boring field - extremely boring. Did I properly stress how extremely boring it is ???
The 1st thing I'm gonna do is address some of the frequently asked questions I get about this blog. I get similar questions from time to time about various things. So, here we go -
Q: Is Geilfuss real?
A: I've tried to address this before, but YES, I can assure you, he's all too real. I couldn't invent him if I tried, even with my fertile imagination. And for all the readers who haven't ever met Geilfuss in person, my suggestion is to go to a men's shoe store in the greater Baltimore area and just wait patiently - he'll be in eventually - barefoot and looking for a replacement pair - a replacement for a pair he lost after doing work and scurrying away in the dead of night from some poor awful girl's apartment.
Q: Have you really never read a book?
A: Simple, no. I have never read a book. I'm intellectually vacant and not the slightest bit curious about anything going on outside my own little world. And I don't apologize for it either. Books and learning are way overrated - I would encourage folks to be just literate enough to read the point spreads, beyond that, I don't see the point.
Q: Why do you insist on using Hussein when referencing Barack Hussein Obama?
A: Because that's the dude's name. I don't know why it's such taboo to refer to old Barry by using his actual name. You'd think you're insulting him by using his whole name, if you listen to his worshippers in the media. It's utterly ridiculous. And for folks who think I use Hussein to hint at the idea that he might really be a Muslim and not a follower of that wizard preacher in Chicago, well, I'll let you draw your own conclusion on that. I'm not sure that it's such a good thing to be a follower of the wizard preacher from Chicago though. I think I'd rather be a Muslim than be associated with that crazy wizard dude.
Q: Why do you repeatedly label old Barry as a socialist?
A: I would argue that his proposals speak for themselves. He wants to be seen as "progressive" and I think we've all seen that "progressive" is merely a euphemism for socialist. I started warning folks way back about the socialist power grab old Barry was trying to execute on our country (back when I started to compare old Barry to Emperor Palpatine in those movies starring that girl from Jerusalem). And I wish I was wrong about that, but it appears I was right on. It's kinda sad actually.
Q: How much do you actually work?
A: This is a really good question. I realize that it can appear that I don't really do much, basically because I manage to find so much time to blog. But let me assure those of you who have never had the fortune of working with me in any of the several jobs I've had over the years - I am working. I work really fast. In fact, I dare say that you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who works faster than I do in whatever their field might be. Also, remember that I've been in my current field for over 12 years now. I have a certain expertise if you will - I've seen it all and I know what I'm doing. So, I'm simply reaping the benefits of over a decade of exhaustively hard work - and there are still times when I put in 11 or 12 hour days. In fact, the next couple months will be like that most likely. So, when I'm too tired to even think about posting to this blog (as I was most of last week), it's because I am working very hard. I won't bore anyone with exact details. In fact, I should apologize to Andy for boring him with work related complaints. The kid listens though. He humors me.
Q: Is everything that you write true?
A: Well, Mary asked me this way back last December. And I'll just repeat what I told her then - It's as real as you want it to be. I'll also say this - I leave out many of the most titillating and potentially embarrassing (for the folks who hang out with me or the folks I run into in a given situation) details from many stories. Believe me, it could be a lot more real if I wanted it to be (if that makes sense). I don't want to embarrass anyone (at least anyone who doesn't deserve it - folks who deserve to be ashamed or embarrassed, I try and let them have it most times. Although those folks tend to be immune to shame for some reason, so I hardly think it matters).
Q: Do people you rip ever read your blog?
A: I sure hope so.
Q: Are you OK?
A: I get this one from time to time. And generally, yes. I am hanging in there as best I can. Although this is where friends are so important. Not to get sappy or anything, but without all the friends I have, it would be much tougher. It really would. So, thanks to all of you - you help keep me sane (or as close to sane as someone like me can possibly be).
Q: Are you really the most entertaining person to hang out with in the world?
A: That's hard to answer. But, I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone more entertaining. I always remember what my good friend Paul J Whithouse used to tell people about me "He's the most entertaining person you'll ever meet." Of course when someone would call me an asshole, Paul would say this, "You gotta go with your strengths." And I think old Paul J Whitehouse might have been right on both accounts.
Q: Why do you use so many commas and elliptical devices in your writing?
A: I try and convey an engaging and conversational tone in my writing, and I find these methods serve my style best. Also, because I can.
Q: Do you really hang out in bars that much?
A: You have no idea.
Q: Do you have any kids?
A: I like what Andy always says when someone asks this and he's nearby. Andy says "Not that he knows of."
Q: Have you ever been married?
A: Jesus, NO. Are you kidding? I wouldn't do that to someone. I may be a terrible person, but I'm not that bad.
Q: Where do you find the photos you use with your posts?
A: Google Images. I try to keep them PG-13. I figure if any kids are reading this blog, well I don't want to get them all horny and erect. I'll leave that to the nudie sites. And for the record, one person is considerably ahead in the number of pictures used in my posts - and that of course is Winona Ryder.
Q: Why are you so fixated on Winona Ryder?
A: See the movie Reality Bites.
I think that about covers most of the questions that I get asked most often. If I'm forgetting something, sorry about that.
Oh, lastly, that 20 year reunion thing went down last Friday night. And don't worry, I didn't show up and make an ass of myself. In fact, only 9 people showed up (I saw an update on the Faceshit). And half of the people I'd forgotten about. So, the girl from the big silly event 20 years ago wasn't there either. I can hardly blame her. She was probably worried I might show up.
I'll get to the rest of the big 100th (now 101st and beyond) post here soon. The next part is quite an undertaking.
Oh, you're wasting my time
Just, just, just wasting time
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