Unscrambling Ana Graham

I got a text from Geilfuss the other night and it simply said: At Friday's. So, I texted him back that I was about to work out but I'd be over there later. Well, I walked into the place about 9:00 and the situation was one that only Geilfuss could find himself in. Geilfuss was there with Smedium and some girl who is not dating Smedium (I think her name was Carly). Anyway, around the bar to the right there was a pretty young couple on a date. What happened before I got there was this: Carly had gotten the number of the girl on the date and was texting her to dump the guy she was with and come hang with Geilfuss. Now, Geilfuss fueled things by buying the girl several shots. So for the first 15 to 20 minutes I was there, Geilfuss and this girl on this date are making all these silly glances and sheepish smiles at each other. Well, about 9:30 this girl comes over and starts talking to me and Geilfuss. I discerned 2 things very quickly about this girl 1) she was hammered and 2) she wasn't very bright. Now, the guy on the date went outside (I assume to fume over his date leaving him for Geilfuss). What I did next was a huge mistake. I went out to smoke and the guy on the date started pouring his heart out to me. As he was doing this I kept thinking: this could only happen to me. The kid told me that he was there with the girl on a 1st date. He told me that he had been trying to get her to go out with him for a YEAR. He told me that he really liked her and had befriended her friends just to get a chance with her. At several points the kid was tearing up - seriously, he was crying a little. I didn't have much advice for him other than I told him that I'm not sure that he wants to date a girl who gets super drunk on a 1st date and gets picked up by Geilfuss. So I go back inside and relay the information I just heard to Geilfuss, Smedium, and Carly. Geilfuss admitted to feeling bad about the whole situation. I told him not to feel too bad because the person really in the wrong here was this drunk girl. I then stood there and had a couple beers just chatting with Geilfuss and the drunk girl. I was mocking her pretty bad. Alas, she was too drunk and too stupid to get anything I was telling her. The guy on the date kind of stood around for awhile looking sad, angry, and pitiful. Eventually he took off without ever saying a word to Geilfuss or his date for the night. The thing is that the kid only paid for what he ate and drank for the night. The drunk girl still had a tab. It got to be a little after 10 and I was talking to Smedium and Carly and looked over and Geilfuss' new girlfriend was passed out with her head on the bar. I said "Geilfuss, you've got to get her out of here." He said "I know." Then what happened is one of the saddest series of events I have ever heard of (and slightly participated in). And this is what happened: Geilfuss paid her check, took her car key, escorted her out, walked her to the parking garage, fucked her in the parking garage, drove her home out somewhere off Putty Hill, walked her inside, realized she lived with her 2 older brothers, hid in her bedroom, heard loud knocking on the bedroom door, was politely asked to leave the premises or risk bodily harm, walked out of the house, called me for a ride because he was 3 miles from home and walking down Joppa. When he finally showed up at Get Bent Lounge at about 11:30 (Smedium came and scooped him eventually) I asked him one thing "Where the hell are your shoes?" Geilfuss looked down at his feet and said "Fuck! It happened again!"

I was out at Patrick Bateman's last night for the stupid trivia and Andy and I were helping out Nana's crew. And Nana's crew had about 11 people out. It was a big group. The problem was that the old guy with the white mustache was there again. I have blogged before about how annoying he can be and he proved it again last night. One question was about how many states were in the Confederacy and how many were in the Union during the civil war. Well, the confederate part is easy. I was working furiously to figure out the Union when the old guy with the white mustache comes over and says "How many you got for the South?" I said "11." He said "I only got 10." I said "OK." He said "What's the 11th?" I said "I'm a little busy here." He said "I can't think of the 11th." I said "You've made me painfully aware of that." Later an anagram comes up as a question. It was a song from 1990. It took like 25 seconds but I unscrambled it and came up with Opposites Attract. The old guy with the white mustache said "Is that by Debbie Reynolds?" I said "No." The last question of the night was a hard one. We were down 2 points to Getting The Crabs. So we needed it badly. The question was who in 2005 was the first artist to have his debut single reach #1 on the Billboard chart. Now, I went deep into my own little world to rack my brain for the answer (some of you reading this have witnessed firsthand what it's like when I'm reaching deep into the vast recesses of my brain for some nugget of info and you know that you should never talk to me while I'm doing this) and I finally look up and ask Andy and the good Tom what they've got and I said "Me too, but I hate the answer. There's no way that's right I don't think." Then the old guy with the white mustache says "How about Rick Astley?" I said "That's it. I can't think any more Andy. He literally just blew my mind." I said to the old guy with the white mustache "You're only about 17 years off there." Well, we ended up going with the bad answer that I knew wasn't going to be right, but we won anyway. We won because Andy knows how to bet on final questions. We bet 3. Getting The Crabs bet 6. They missed it too. In fact everyone missed it. We won by 1 point. It was all due to the old guy with the white mustache, because if I'd of kept thinking I might have come up with another wrong answer and told Andy to risk more points and we'd have lost. So, this is maybe the only incidence in the long annals of trivia where the old guy with the white mustache helped lead us to victory.

It's been pretty busy here with work this week. But I want to pass along one short anecdote about it. I was sitting with one of the groups and trying to guide them to coming to a decision on something. And after about 5 minutes of talking it was clear to me that it was no longer productive to discuss the issue (I have foud that sometimes the best decision to make is not to make a decision - we call these DNU's {Do Not Use}). Well, the folks from Texas that contract with us have guys at the tables to take notes and record all the decisions that the groups make throughout the week. Anyway, the guy from Texas who was recording the notes and so forth at the table when I told them the best decision is to not make a decision sat there for a minute and looked a little confused and then asked "So, let me get this straight. Why is it DNU?" I said "Crossman, it's DNU because it's DNU. Move on."

I saw where Barack Hussein Obama decided to insult all the cops the other night at some fake press conference. I wasn't watching, obviously. But some moron worshipper/reporter asked old Barry about some incident that went down in the People's Republic of Cambridge recently. What happened is that a white cop arrested a black Harvard professor for screaming racial slurs at him and taunting the cop about his mama. It's pretty obvious that the black professor was being an asshole. And when you're an asshole to cops, they don't like that. They're gonna run you in on some charge. So, the white cop ran the black professor in. End of story. Nope. This black professor is a friend of old Barry's apparently and when asked about his buddy being run in, old Barry claimed that the cop had acted "stupidly." Of course he also admitted he did not know any of the facts of what happened. And I can see an idiot at Get Bent Lounge spouting off half assed about how the police have mistreated a buddy of theirs without knowing the facts of what went down - hell in there dudes give worthless opinions based on nothing concrete by the minute (George and J at least). But old Barry? Say it ain't so my messiah. Old Barry has quite properly been mocked and criticized for his ridiculously baseless assessment of the situation in The People's Republic of Cambridge. As for me, when I heard about the situation in The People's Republic of Cambridge I had 2 thoughts 1) what does this dude teach at Harvard? (Turns out it's something called African American Research - I have no idea what that could possibly entail) and 2) they have cops in The People's Republic of Cambridge? Who knew? I would of thought that all the commie/hippie losers wouldn't need any cops around. I mean they're living in the perfect town with other commie/hippie losers. Why would they need cops?

I also saw where some dude for the White Sox pitched a perfect game. Andy told me the guy's name. And I said "Is he a burly fellow Andy? I mean it would be appropriate if he were a burly fellow. You know, what with his name being Buehrle and all?"

I'm cooking up something new for the next post. You won't want to miss it.

I'm not a doctor, put them in a rapture

A slick brother that can easy outfox ya