Nolan Smith Walks Into The Honda Center...

I hate to revel in others' misery, but I'm going to anyway...

Urgent Score Update from Anaheim, California - the home of Mickey Mouse, Emilio Estevez hockey films, and various meth labs: Arizona 93 Duke 77. We have a new hero. Jimmer is dead (at least until he is inevitably drafted to the purgatory that is the Minnesota Timberwolves). Derrick Fucking Williams. The kid was all-world last night. Duke had no athlete on their roster capable of checking Williams. When the Wildcats started their run (and everyone but the most die-hard Dukie could see it coming), it was breathtaking in its finality. The game was over with 11 minutes left. Coach K kept shoving the Vicodin down his throat to ease the anguish. And all he got was more anguish (although a dulled anguish, which is something I guess). Nolan Smith, the ACC player of the year (you can snicker now), did his best JJ Redick impersonation in big NCAA tourney games. Smith was terrible - 3 for 14 with at least 6 turnovers. And he could not stop penetration by any Wildcat he was defending. 2010 is finally, officially, over. If only Gordon Hayward had made that damn jumper for Butler at the end last April...

I'm sure I'm not the only person who has noticed that, speaking of Butler, the Bulldogs have lasted longer than the vaunted Devils this year. They play with a tenacity that is unparalleled in college hoops. In stark contrast to Duke, who has better players at every position except center, Butler is tough as nails. Duke is soft. They cried like Adam Morrison at the end. Going back to Jimmer, did you notice when he walked off the floor that his head was held high? No shame. No regrets. He just kept gunning the ball up. We will see NBA games in the future where Kyrie Irving and Jimmer go head to head (although if it's a Cavs/TWolves game, no one will be watching...). It should be entertaining. I don't think either one can stop the other. Jimmer doesn't like defense. Irving is a poor man's CP3. And points will be aplenty.

I had the delightful experience of seeing a photo of The Tiger's latest skank. And I'm proud to say she's a fellow Ohioan. A 22 year-old Clevelander to be exact. And this chick, I believe her name is Alyse, can drink. She could be a Dream Teamer. Alyse managed to blow a .210 last fall after crashing stepdaddy's car. I'm sure Alyse and The Tiger will get along famously. Until she comes after him with a pitching wedge anyway...

Speaking of The Tiger, I was chatting with Warren (Woof to all you Buzztime trivia freaks out there) last night about that Perkins waitress he was doing a few years ago. And we decided that The Tiger's behavior had definite sociopathic underpinnings. I should know...

The vagaries of gambling have shown themselves again here lately. I got a note from Brandon that his winnings had dwindled to a dangerous level after the weekend. And he turned it around with one bet last night. He took Arizona money line. And that bet would turn $100 into $450 fast. I did not take the Cats on the money line. But I did have them +8 &1/2 - which saved my ass after Jimmer and the Mormons blew their game in OT. I was screaming for anyone to score at the end of regulation. Warren and other assorted barflies could attest to that.

Tonight I like FSU/VCU Under 131. The Noles were very kind on the Under bet Sunday against the Irish. Richmond +10&1/2 - I won't be touching the money line however. Marquette/UNC Over 150 &1/2, push, push, push the tempo. And TOSU -6. The Buckeyes are playing the best I have seen in my 30+ years of paying close attention to them. Maybe too close attention. Here's how die-hard a fan I am. Back in the mid-90s, when TOSU was terrible (the last few years of the Randy Ayers era), I faithfully went to almost every home game at St John Arena. I had good seats at least. Nobody in the entire city of Columbus gave a damn. I remember non-conference games with less than 5,000 folks in attendance. Seriously. The only sellouts were when Bobby Knight came to town. And let me say this, I have never heard a person booed more lustily anywhere than Bobby Knight was in St John Arena. Never. And he, like yours truly, is a graduate of TOSU.

The Gate City's Drinking Water Causes Prostrate Cancer...

Before I get to the thrust of today's post, it should be noted that on Andy's Faceshit page he put up video of Tyson dancing at Wreck Room recently. And if you're Andy's Faceshit friend, I urge you to check it out. I laughed uncontrollably for the entire minute and a half of the video. At one point Tys pulls a bar stool out, places one leg on top of it, and points down toward his crotch. Hilarious. In the background you can hear Andy laughing his ass off. It reminded me of another night when Tys was in fine form. Tys, Andy, & I were out on the patio at Low Bottoms. Tys was dead drunk. He had his eye on a couple of young ladies. He kept insisting that we buy the girls some shots. I don't recall if we ever did. But I do distinctly recall Tys dancing around like a T-Rex in an attempt to impress the girls. I found it terribly amusing. The girls found it creepy. And poor Andy had to go over and make nice and apologize to the offended girls. I wish Andy had video of Tys doing his T-Rex impression from that night. Because as amazing as the video of Tys dancing at Wreck Room is, video of his T-Rex silliness would be funnier. Plus it would have the bonus of hearing me in the background saying things like, "I think he's morphed into more of a Brontosaurus, Andy." Or, "Take your shirt off Tys. It will be more authentic." Things like that. Good times...

One night last week I was having my normal trouble getting to sleep. I was flipping the old TV remote incessantly as always. And at one point I came across a broadcast of a recent Greensboro City Council meeting. It went on for hours, but was terribly entertaining and enlightening. I learned that the drinking water here causes men to get prostrate cancer. Not prostate cancer - prostrate cancer. A random speaker from the floor shared this nugget of info. And since I'm afraid of anything having to do with my prostrate (whatever that is, maybe something that makes you lie face down???) going haywire, I haven't drank city water since. I've been sticking to 40's. Other speakers from the floor were not as informative as the prostrate cancer guy. Or as entertaining. They were mainly bitching about some landfill in a part of town I've never been to or even heard of in my life. But these folks were pissed. And poorly spoken for that matter. As far as the actual members of the City Council, many of them left interesting impressions - at least on this observer. Here are those impressions.

Mayor Bill Knight - looks like a cross between Yoda and Mr Magoo. Plus it appears he has no control over the proceedings he's supposedly presiding over. Knight looked perplexed, confused, baffled, and tired all at the same time. He gives me great confidence in city leadership...

T Diane Bellamy Small - her name is a little misleading. There's certainly nothing small about her. Besides her girth, 2 things about Ms Small stood out. 1) She's a fashionista. I've never seen a muumuu so colorful in my life. & 2) Ms Small talked a lot during the meeting. Most of it very ill-informed political grandstanding, by the way. For example, at one juncture Ms Small compared not having 5 or 6 early voting places available in the fall to lynching. That seemed to be a stretch, even for me.

Robbie Perkins - the kind of guy who resembles an Agnew-like crook. First, his name. What adult goes by Robbie? Don't boys give up going by Robbie when they hit like the age of 14? And his last name, Perkins - it evokes images of the shittiest late-night chain of restaurants on the face of the earth. Robbie also seemed to like to grandstand for no good reason. He repeatedly exhibited utter contempt for the mayor. To what end, I don't know. But he came across as a tool as a result.

I don't remember too much about the rest of the group that stood out. There was a guy named Zach and some ladies with pronounced southern drawls. Pretty much forgettable altogether...

I try and somewhat keep up with the goings-on of City Council through reading the Rhino. Whoever they send to sit through those meetings isn't getting paid enough. I can assure you of that.

Speaking of the Rhino, in the latest scorching issue they unveiled their bracket picks for the NCAA tourney. And boy was that a catastrophe. I don't know that they got one pick right in the entire SE region. It was almost as bad as Charlie Sheen's bracket. Sheen had Akron & Long Island in the title game...

More on the actual basketball nature of the tourney coming soon. That and I gotta say something about Barry's dalliance in Libya. WTF???

Oh, one last thing. I came across an airing of The Break Up on USA for a few minutes over the weekend. And it's totally unrealistic. Would any guy break up with Jen Aniston because she asked you to help with the dishes???

Hoops Picks 3/20

Brutal on that K State finish last night. Brutal. More on the Jimmer show in an upcoming post.

Today, G Mason +11, Duke -12 &1/2, FSU/Irish Under 131, VCU +9 &1/2.

Gotta run.

Duke Vitale Needs To Learn The Definition Of The Word Upset

Before I get to the normal silliness, let me send massive birthday wishes to Andy. I believe, if my math is correct, and it usually is, that the kid has made it to 26. I'm guessing things might get dicey out at the Wreck Room this evening...

I hope everyone has been getting in on these NCAA picks. While not perfect, I'm 17-6-1. And that will play. That's right around 75% winners. As Brandon pointed out in a comment after the Super Bowl, you could pay one of these stupid services $50 a day for picks and they aren't hitting at 75%. I can assure you of that...

I hope I didn't jinx myself, but on to today's wild action. There are 2 games that I really like. Gonzaga -1 against Jimmer. On ESPN earlier Duke Vitale was speculating that the Zags might "upset" the Cougars. Someone should tell the moron that if a team is favored and wins, it's not an upset. Anyway, the Bulldogs should kill the Mormons on the glass. I also really like K State +3 &1/2 against the Badgers. My personal line has the Wildcats -4. Wrong team is favored. Other picks; Richmond -4, Morehead should be in huge letdown mode after that thrilling victory. We've seen this over and over in the tourney. After a shocking upset, a mid-major comes back down to earth the following game. And the Spiders have that Anderson kid. He can flat ball. UConn -3 &1/2. Nothing against Mick Cronin and his boys, but I see a win for the Huskies. Last, BYU/Gonzaga Under 148 &1/2. The line is 10 points too high.

At least 3 more huge bets tomorrow. Lines are only up for 4 of the games at this point.

Speaking of the ESPN hype-machine, they are giving constant updates on how Barry is faring with his bracket. He's doing well. Really well. And it makes you wonder if Barry should stick to being a bracket master and get out of failing to be a leader altogether.

I was out at some joint on New Garden for much of yesterday watching the hoops action. And I got a rare treat. I met a Duke fan in Greensboro who actually went to Duke. Super nice guy. And as I explained my feelings to this guy about many (not all) of the Duke fans parading around the Gate City, he totally agreed with me. I did almost get thrown out of the joint at one point for yelling "Dallas Fucking Lauderdale" after a thunderous dunk. The issue was that it was like 6:30 and tons of families were in the joint enjoying something approximating food. I apologized for my exuberance and quit saying "Fucking" after that. I was a good boy. I can be when I try.

Okay,...

NCAA Hoops Picks 3/18

Very good day yesterday, I about doubled my online account. Those late night overs were key. It's interesting because most public betters stay away from totals. The only folks moving those lines are the big sharks. That Mizzu/UC total went up to 140 when I put the bet in at 9:30 and it covered, barely, by 1 point. But that counts the same as if it covered by 100. So,...

Speaking of the public and overs. I once again yesterday, for maybe the thousandth time in my life, explained what a total bet meant to some dude at the sports bar. It was at the end of the ODU/Butler game and I did not want overtime. So I was saying "score, score, score" on Butler's last possession and the guy was like, "You have Butler in your pool?" And then I set him straight on what was going down. He was a Sparty alum. Nice guy.

Oh, and what with it being St Patrick's Day and all, I did partake of 2 car bombs last night. And yes, I did get into a conversation with a gentlemen about calling them car bombs instead of Irish car bombs. My whole thing about the word Irish being redundant and all that. He agreed with me and said he would just say car bombs in the future. So I accomplished something there.

1st wave, Oakland +10 &1/2, they will push tempo like all hell (that is their mascot pictured above). G Mason +1 &1/2, Nova was crap the last month of the season. I don't know why that would change today. TN/Michigan Over 127 &1/2, could be dicey here but I'm looking at mid 130's. 2nd wave, I don't like these games. But Duke tends to take no prisoners in a spot like this. I'm laying the 23 &1/2. 3rd wave, LIU +17 &1/2, the Blackbirds can play. St Peter's +14 &1/2, Purdue doesn't generally blow anyone out. Also, Over 122 in that one. 4th wave, Syracuse -12 &1/2. Over 129 too. And last VCU +6, Georgetown has been not so hot lately.

I wouldn't go too big on any of these today. Tomorrow and Sunday are gonna be much more opportunistic.

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NCAA Picks 3/17

The big hoops tournament starts in earnest here in a few hours & if you simply take the 3 NCAA games I threw out picks for, I'm 2-0-1. Big night for the Roadrunners (that is Rowdy pictured above), and that contrarian bet on VCU paid off nicely as well.

I'm gonna throw these out in the 4 waves for the day. 1st wave, WVU -2&1/2, a situational bet because of Clemson's travel and fast turnaround. ODU/Butler Under 122, both teams play very deliberate styles - should be closer to 110 than 120. Morehead/Louisville Over 131 &1/2, my own line was 140. Note: I wouldn't step out on any of these too much for that 1st wave. 2nd wave, the lines are tight and the only game I'm betting is Richmond +3, Vandy has lost to lower seeds each of the last 2 seasons & that may be in their heads. Also, the Spiders can ball. 3rd wave, Wofford/BYU Under 147, I can't see the Terriers trying to get out and push against Jimmer too much (although the kid doesn't play much defense...), Belmont +5, and Over 127 - the over is my 2nd top choice of the day. I know the Badgers play deliberately, but this total should be closer to 140. 4th wave, Sparty -1, I still have faith in them. Gonzaga +1 &1/2, they should win outright. Mizzu/UC Over 137, this is my top choice, as even if the Tigers stink it up they will push, push, and push, then foul, foul, and foul. Utah St +2 &1/2 is super tempting, they are gonna want to make a statement, but K State should try and ramp up the tempo, so I like Over 128 &1/2.

I know it's a day for the Irish, but I don't own anything green...

Barry Likes Chalk

I noticed where our fake leader, one Barack Hussein Obama, has filled in his yearly bracket for the hoops tournament. As usual, I don't know why ESPN shows his picks on national TV. Who cares? I'd rather ESPN do a piece on some random lonely barfly filling in his/her bracket. Someone who reeks of bourbon, cheap smokes, and vaginal fluids. Oh wait, that might describe Barry to the letter. My bad.

Speaking of Barry's picks, I did not click on the PDF in the story I read to see them. But late last night on the infamous ESPN bottom line, I became informed, like everyone else trying to enjoy a Tuesday night of NIT hoops from N California, that Barry likes chalk. Yes, the lead sports story on the lead sports channel in the world was that old Barry picked all #1 seeds to advance to Houston. Which is fine, Barry can pick all the chalk he wants. But he must have had his feelings hurt as he watched the bottom line last night. Because as famous as Barry is, he's not famous enough to warrant joining the 1-name ESPN bottom line club. Which is odd. ESPN has decided over the years that certain athletes are so hype-worthy that there is no need to refer to them by anything but their first name. Among this exclusive 1-name club are The Tiger, LeBron, Kobe, & recently Melo. What's always struck me as strange are the guys who aren't in the 1-name club. It's never "Brett unretires," it's "Favre coming back." In fact the only NFL guy who is in the 1-name club is Peyton. In MLB, they use A Rod, but not simply Alex. No one in baseball makes the cut except Manny. That whole Manny being Manny thing. And the only female athletes who make the cut are Venus and Serena Williams & possibly that NASCAR wannabe chick. All this gets me back to Barry. Why didn't the lead say "Barry's Final 4 picks," as he's certainly just as famous as Woods, James, Bryant, Anthony, or Manning. Old Barry should be pissed over being dissed like this.

Also, speaking of Barry being a bracket person, you might recall that he was ripped 2 years ago for failing to fill out a bracket for the women's tourney. At least he was ripped by some woman who writes for the McPaper (I mentioned it in a post back then). And Barry has since capitulated. He filled in a bracket for the unwatchable lady ballers this year. I don't know how Barry has time to follow women's college hoops, men's college hoops, all the stuff going on overseas, the terrible state of the economy, and deal with congress. He's a real multi-tasker. Granted, not a successful one. You would think Barry would be too busy to follow the ins-and-outs of collegiate lady ballers. But nope. Barry has picks for every game of every round of the women's tourney. It's amazing. Well done, Barry. I'm guessing Barry is down with that coach of the Tennessee Lady Vols. After all, Head is in her name...

I'm not sure how the history courses are structured at the University of Oklahoma, or who the instructors are, but whatever they're doing in Norman, they may wanna change things up. Adrian Peterson compared the plight of NFL players today to slavery. If AP can cite one slave who received $10 million a year to fumble the football repeatedly, I'd certainly be interested in hearing it. Maybe there were secret plantations where the slaves drove Bentleys, lived in McMansions, and had a posse of 12 to accede to their whims at all times. But I doubt it...

Not the best night ever in hoops picks yesterday, as those pesky other tourneys can be tricky. I mentioned yesterday that it's impossible to know how motivated teams are for these events unless you have access to them. In the NIT, I'm going with Wisc-Milwaukee +9 at NW tonight, though. In the NCAA, the public seems to like USC at -4&1/2. I can see jumping on the other side there. Not much value either way. I'd look at the over the in the 1st game. UTSA isn't called the Roadrunners for nothing...

St Patrick's day and Day 1 of the real tournament tomorrow, but I'll get picks up by noon. I'm still tinkering a bit with them.

Some Thoughts On The Fab 5 Film

I watched a good deal of that Fab 5 film on the ESPN hype machine the other night. A couple of things about it are worth noting. First, they decided to take only the most cursory look back at the team. No one was on the thing to represent a view outside of folks who were either on the team, coached the team, or covered the team in the media. This could be because Jalen Rose was behind the production. It would have been more compelling to get interviews with other players (Grant Hill, Calbert Cheaney, Jimmy Jackson, Eric Montross) and coaches (Bobby Knight, Coach K, Lou Henson) who experienced competing against U of M in those days. Second, the star of the movie was MIA. Mayce Webber must have refused to cooperate with his old temmates for it. I can't really blame the kid, but the story was definitely lacking without Webber's retrospective thoughts. Next, the whole part about how tragic it was when U of M took down the banners that marked something won by the Fab Five. That part baffled me. The reason is that the Fab Five didn't win anything. In the 2 seasons where all 5 were together, the Wolverines did not win a Big 10 title (TOSU & IU did) or a national championship (as the film reminded everyone who may have somehow forgotten). So, what were the banners put up to commemorate in the 1st place? Also worth noting is Rose's accusation that Duke only takes black kids who are Uncle Toms for their squad. I don't know any of the Duke players personally. So, I have no opinion on the matter. But it is an interesting comment from one of ESPN's NBA analysts. I'm guessing Grant Hill might not have appreciated it too much. Even though they played at Michigan, I will freely admit to enjoying watching the Fab Five play those 2 seasons - and even the next one after Webber left for the pros. But I didn't need a shallow documentary to remind me of that. Very weird endeavor, even for ESPN.

One thing in particular I didn't need to see ever again that they showed in the film was Chris Jent missing that last second shot that would have sent TOSU to the Final 4 in 1992. It wasn't really Jent's fault. Jimmy Jackson, 2 time Big 10 Player of the Year & one of my all-time favorites, couldn't even get a shot up on the initial part of that last second play. Alas,...

NCAA play starts tonight. I like UNC Asheville -4. In the Not Invited Tournament, the lines are soft. I like Cleveland St -10, BC -5 &1/2, & St Mary's -11 &1/2. Bet these with caution though. I have no way of knowing how motivated these 3 favorites are for the NIT. But on paper, these lines are super soft. Below the NIT, there is the awesome CBI. In that meaningless garbage, take Hofstra +2 &1/2 - they are a better team and getting points (although again, I can't measure how motivated the Pride will be to travel to the sticks of Indiana tonight). In my very favorite of all tourneys, yes, some of you will recall this, the College Insiders, I love Marshall -7 to bury Ohio U. The Herd are vastly better. Also in College Insiders action, the Falcons of AF are playing North Dakota. And this is just how shitty the College Insiders tournament is, N Dakota is one of the 50 worst teams in Division 1 (Ken Pomeroy has them like 306th). Even at 14 &1/2, I took Air Force.

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Coach K Teams Up With Tonya Harding

I heard something over the weekend about an earthquake and tsunami somewhere in Japan. I haven't seen any news reports on it personally. The way I heard about it was from some dude at this bar out on New Garden Sunday afternoon. I had never, to my recollection, met this guy before. He was kind of ranting, slightly incoherently, about the disaster. I was listening, more or less politely, when this barfly dropped this opinion on me, and I'm only slightly paraphrasing here, "Serves those Japs right for bombing Pearl Harbor." And even yours truly thought that was a little over the line. I said, "I'm going out to smoke. But by the way, that comment was really weird. In fact, I don't have a clue what to say to that."

Very good weekend on the silly gambling front. Michigan was money. I'm looking hard at this week's games. I'll try and get info up from time to time.

Nobody told me.

I finally got the chance to catch The Blind Side over the weekend. It was better than I thought it might be. Every time I thought it was on the verge of veering into melodrama, it pulled back. You really got the feeling that Sandy Bullock's character cared about Michael Oher, without the script or acting degenerating into stock sappy caricature. Sandy really was quite good in the thing. Normally those movies where the director and writer try to pull at your heartstrings are unwatchably bad. But the folks involved in The Blind Side pulled it off way better than most.

I saw a promo for a dancing reality show Sunday on ABC during the Gators/UK clash at the Georgia Dome. They were hyping the athlete participants up. Hines Ward is gonna be one of them. And of all the Steelers I think Ward is the most formidable contestant they could have invited. If they have a dance where the male violently uppercuts the woman, Ward will be awesome at it. I do wonder if they asked Genital Ben to participate. I would actually tune in if that were the case. Genital Ben could get hammered drunk and force his dance partner into the nearest bathroom. It would be must-see TV at that point. Or James Harrison could go on the show in drag. But then viewers would be confused into thinking that Harrison in drag was really Mrs. Barack Hussein Obama. And that might cause some kind of issue...

Speaking of reality TV, TRU TV - my favorite shitty channel, will be airing some hoops games here this week. How this happened exactly I'm not sure. But Friday at 3:10, TRU TV will show the Duke Blue Devils and Hampton Pirates (it might warrant a rare bet on the Devils, the most public of public teams). Coach K and TRU TV is a marriage made in heaven. I just hope that TRU gets that same crew to cover the game that does the commentary for that World's Worst show they run constantly. With Tonya Harding and Danny Bonaduce calling a Duke game against the MEAC, something epic in the annals of broadcasting would be achieved. In fact, I'm sure I'd die from laughing too hard...

I don't know how many readers of this blog are awake around 4 in the morning on a regular basis. But if you are, take a look at VH-1 Classic at that time. They run 120 Minutes then. Videos I haven't seen in like 20 years are shown. And when you can see a Jesus & Mary Chain video at 4:45 in the morning, that's a good thing.

Speaking of being awake in the dead of night, my insomnia is almost as bad as ever. I really need to get my hands on some Xanax...

In the garden I was playing the tart

I kissed your lips and broke your heart

You, you were talking about the end of the world

Hoops Pick 3/12

I'm gonna make this even more simple than yesterday, take Michigan. The number opened at 12 & has dropped. But anything over 10 offers value.

If you'd followed the simple 2 bet advice yesterday, voila! Perfect 2 -0.

This is my shortest post ever...not even a picture...

Hoops Picks For 3/11

I'm gonna make this pretty simple today as far as the hoops picks. In the afternoon take Michigan - wrong team is favored. Tonight take FSU - wrong team is favored. If you want more action, and I know degenerates do, Big 10: TOSU/NW Under 140, tease up Sparty & PSU. Big 12: I would go Under the 155 in Col/Kan, and take the Horns as the Aggies might be spent after last night. ACC: Duke/UMD Under 147. Lines are not up on a few games as of 11 this morning, but if Miss St is getting anything over 3, take them. Also, if USC is getting anything over 3, take them against Arizona. And, most importantly, if UNLV is any kind of dog against SDSU, take them.

Mixed bag there yesterday, but the late games were golden again. All 3 hit with ease as Mizzu/Tex A&M went 20 points over the 137, Wash St easily covered, and UNLV rolled to a 16 point win.

A few quick notes (Larry King style from the McPaper back in the day) on what we witnessed yesterday...The kid from Wazzu who dropped the 43 last night was a real pleasure to watch...UVA pulled one of the worst choke jobs in recent memory as they were up 9 with under 40 seconds left and turned the ball over on 4 possessions. Then got destroyed in OT...The Pimp Coat experiment should be over in Raleigh...Pirate Nation here in NC should be thrilled...Jimmer is now taking close to half BYU's shots in each game...The best thing about UCLA's dismal performance was their dance squad, as always...

I should be able to get a post up with picks by 12 tomorrow.

Pretty Vacant

Hoops Picks For 3/10

Not a too terrible start on the old March Madness gambling front, as even though yesterday afternoon wasn't so hot (UConn saved my ass), the evening wave brought redemption with a 4 team teaser that came through. I was sitting at Wing Joint with a dude named Woof and he was very supportive of my bet hitting. We sweated out all 4 games (Marshall -4 &1/2, Long Island -1/2, Marquette +6, & SMU +2), but it was an exciting way to pass a Wednesday night.

Today's action - ACC: UVA and the points, BC should crush Wake again, NCSU and the 6 (the Terps are playing like corpses). Big East: Uconn +5 &1/2. Syracuse -2 &1/2 is my 3rd top choice for the afternoon, late game lines are not up yet. Big 12: K State -6 is my top choice for the day, they are rolling now. Late game lines aren't up, but take the over in Mizzu/Tex A&M. CUSA: no lines are up - baffling. SEC: pass on the whole card today. Big 10: I'm tempted to take IU and the points, but it's only 4. Pac 10: Cal +3 is my 2nd top choice for the afternoon, in the late game take Wash St +6 - they've already beaten the Huskies twice this year. Mountain West: Maybe look at UNLV to roll against AF.

The picture above was taken last night at Wing Joint. From left we have Tess, Dave, TBFH, and Alex. Of note is that Dave's flavor saver is in full effect. Also of note is that I need a haircut, badly.

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Bad Day For Buckeye Fans

College hoops tournament time is upon us and here, as promised, are the picks for today - 1st wave: UConn -3. Nebraska needs a win, but I have little faith in them on a neutral court. 2nd wave: Tulane +8 &1/2. Colorado - 4 &1/2. St John's -10. Tonight: slim pickings at this point, the Big East games aren't up yet. I like Marquette if they're getting anything more than 2 &1/2. And UC if the price is cheap (-5 or 6ish). Pac 10 opening round features 4 bad teams. I'm gonna stay away. Tomorrow will present more opportunities.

Big news out of the seedy world of college football this week, as TOSU's coach, one Jim Tressel, has been outed as maybe not the pillar of integrity so many of the Buckeye faithful believed him to be. Personally, I'm not the slightest bit surprised at the news Tressel sat on information that several of his players traded gridiron keepsakes for cash or tats, or both. I have zero interest in going into depth on this. But I will say this: he should be canned. The NCAA rules are silly, yes. So are many of the laws in this country. But when we break one, there are consequences (unless you're OJ Simpson and murder 2 people...allegedly). Tressel broke a cardinal rule. He breached his contract. Yet, the TOSU brass gave him a slap on the wrist (2 game suspension, $250,000 fine). That is a farce. Many of the TOSU fanbase will undoubtedly say this is not a big deal, he's a wonderful leader, a good man, blah, blah, blah. I know something about the TOSU fanbase. And they are fanatic for the football team. Literally. As I've said a million times over the years, I'm not a fan of TOSU. I'm a graduate. There is a distinct difference. The way I look at this is simple, Buckeye football is bigger than any one person (even Wayne Woodrow Hayes). And to allow Jim Tressel to keep his job makes the university look really bad. It makes them look no better than any other football factory school. Actually, it confirms they are no better than any other football factory school. And fans will deny this or accept it begrudgingly and bunker down and be, well, delusional and fanatical. But for those of us who look at this from a more vested perspective than football glory, this whole decision is a black mark against the university, its Mormon president, all the alumni living all over the globe, and even the state of Ohio. Gordy Gee, said president (who I have mocked on this blog before), did the wrong thing. He should be let go. Jim Tressel should be let go. And the AD should be let go. But they won't be. As always happens in these cases, time will pass, memories will become foggy, and almost no one will care. That's fine. But it won't change anything for me. It's depressing, quite honestly...

One thing the whole affair mentioned above does confirm is something I've been telling TOSU fans I meet in the sports bars for years - that is: Jim Tressel is no Earle Bruce. Not even close.

I made it out to the old trivia last night for the 1st time this year. We played really well. We blew it on the last question. But that's gonna happen. I was pulling answers about the Pope and Corsica out of my ass. It was generally a good time. One of the only questions we missed involved Grey's Anatomy. I've never seen it. But I know that girl from Knocked Up is on it. Or was on it. Whatever. And I find her quite fetching.

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Billy Is Not Amused

I was just sitting here and went back and looked in on some posts from this blog that were written in March 2009, and I gotta say - I think they are much better than the crap I've been coming up with here recently. I'm regressing as a blogger...

Also, I was much more prolific back 2 years ago. Maybe I had more energy. I have no idea.

To that end, I'm gonna try and do better and post slightly more often. It's worth a shot, and most importantly, it passes the time.

I was out last night at Wing Joint and it was my dear friend Dave's last night attempting to tend the bar - he's headed to Afghanistan here at some point. And not for a vacation, I might add. I'm sure he'll be fine over there. The kid can take care of himself. Anyway, I wondered into the bar and my friend Phil is in there, without his wife (which was disappointing, as I enjoy talking to her - she's a smart girl). So, I'm standing there talking to Phil and this woman who is engaged to an Italian man. I kept asking her if her fiance was named Vito. She got sick of that pretty quick. We were playing the old Buzztime trivia. And a guy I've mentioned in the past on this blog was in there - Billy, toothless Billy. Only Billy has teeth now. He really does. It's amazing. Billy was sitting a few bar stools over from me and Billy loves to play the trivia. He's addicted to it. Billy has like 20 million member points on the game. As a few of you might recall, I'm not the biggest Billy fan in the world. I slightly despise the guy. As a result of my unfounded dislike for Billy, I started mocking him. Badly. Billy really prides himself on being a trivia ace and I really wanted to ruin his evening. So I basically hijacked the girl who is betrothed to the Italian guy's trivia machine just to kick Billy's ass at his beloved trivia. And it worked. When I'm motivated, I'm very difficult to beat. I'm also difficult to beat when I could care less...But...Back to Billy, he started to get so angry at me and my childish comments about his gut, the book he had with him at the bar, the fact he was drinking tea instead of beer, and that he couldn't beat us at trivia (they were asking questions about Friends at one point - too easy), that he moved down the bar about 15 feet to get away from me. The girl who is about to move to Italy wasn't sure if I was amusing or the biggest asshole she'd ever met. I informed her that those traits aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. She laughed. By 10 or so, the bar was packed and I was drunk and trivia started to bore me to tears. Luckily, Brandon came in and we talked a little hoops and gambling to pass the time. Then my favorite person who stumbles into the bar from time to time came in. And that was pleasant. We had an enlightening conversation. I should have eaten something, because I'm slightly foggy on what time I left. All I know is that I woke up at 10 this morning and proceeded to guzzle about a gallon of water. That's always great. Good times.

Huge day today in the college hoops world, as over in Chapel Hill the Heels are gonna take on those pesky Devils from Durham. I already sent Brandon a note to take the Heels -1. They should be as motivated as humanly possible for this game.

Speaking of college hoops, the ACC ladies are in town for their annual tournament right now. I have zero interest in it as always. But it is worth noting that the other night (Thursday) I was flipping the old TV channels and came across highlights of that day's action at the Greensboro Coliseum. And I'm not sure who was playing who, but I can report that no one was there to witness it. Seriously, there couldn't have been more than 500 people there - in a building that seats over 20,000. The ACC and the Gate City must take a complete bath on this tournament. Instead of playing it at the Coliseum, they should hold it at a high school gym or the local YMCA. If they held it at the Y, the teams could go shirts and skins. And from what I've seen of lady ballers, I don't think the skins team would be much fun to watch. Lots of flabby guts, hairy pits, massive areola, and little hairs protruding out of said areola. I'm sure someone gets down like that. Alas, not I...

I was out, ever so briefly, at Sloppy Seconds early last night, and this middle-aged balding brother was in there drinking Red Stripe. He was chatting with a white couple to his right. I was to his left. At one point the balding brother noted his wife was overseas. I chimed in and said, "Guantanamo?" None of the 3 of them laughed.

Remember what Jay Z said - If Jesus is payin' Lebron, I'm payin' Dwyane Wade

Stealing Michigan Molly's Car

I was walking across the vast parking lot of the miserable apartment complex where I currently reside, or "stay at" as the folks on Springer like to say, when a gentlemen yelled this to me, "Are you one of the maintenance guys?" I answered, "Not recently." He said, "Sorry about that. I didn't mean any offense." I replied, "No offense taken. But if I tried to help with a maintenance issue, I'd surely make the problem worse." And that's true. I could easily turn a leaky faucet into massive flooding. Or a minor electrical problem into a fire. There's no telling the damage I'd do. I did want to ask the gentlemen what about me made him surmise that I might be a member of the maintenance crew. But I decided against that. It could have been because I hadn't shaved in weeks, or had a haircut in months, and looked, shall we say, a bit grimy at the time. Certainly not appearing what you could label semi-professional. In fact, I'm looking so unkempt and strange lately that women at the Food Slug have tugged their daughters close to them when I'm within 20 feet. I get a big kick out of that.

Speaking of the complex where I stay at, I have this neighbor across the breezeway who I nod to from time to time when we see each other. I have no clue what the kid's name is. Anyway, the other day I heard a knock at my door. And no one ever knocks on my door. Why would they? I assumed it was Greensboro's finest hunting me down for grand theft auto or something. But, it turned out to be this neighbor who I nod at from time to time. He asked if I could help him move a love seat into his humble abode. I said, "Okay." So, we go out to his truck and lift the thing and start carrying it to his apartment. The love seat in question was nice - supple whitish leather or something. I said to the kid, and remember he doesn't know me at all, "Did you find this by a dumpster?" Alas, the kid didn't laugh...He invited me to stay for a beer. But I declined. The last thing I need is to become acquainted with some wacky neighbor like you see in sitcoms. Like Stuart from Beavis & Butthead. Although, come to think of it, Stuart wasn't wacky so much as a tool. Knowing my luck, the guy is like Newman. Which is actually a good comparison, as the guy works for FedEx or UPS and Newman was a vital cog in the USPS machine...

Speaking of grand theft auto, a few months ago (October or November), I did indeed steal a car. Now, it's all innocent of course. I was trying to do someone a favor. And I'm bad at those. Something always goes wrong. I was out at Wing Joint one football Saturday night and there was this woman in there who goes by the name Michigan Molly (she's a Michigan fan, not graduate, obviously). And this chick was beyond hammered. And she stayed at the bar like 3 hours longer than she should have. I won't bore anyone with how annoying she was. Eventually Dave cut Michigan Molly off and said he'd call her a cab. She didn't want the cab though. This pitiful chick was determined to drive home. And no one wanted that. She could have really done something awful. And what happened next proves, once again, that a) I should not try and help people & b) that no good deed goes unpunished. I told Michigan Molly I'd give her a ride home and she could cab back to Wing Joint the next day and get her car. She didn't like that offer. She didn't want to leave her car there (which is silly, but she was really drunk and there's no reasoning with someone like that). So, she thrust her keys at me and said, "Drive me home in my car." I didn't like the thought of that too much. For one, I did not want to get to to this chick's place and have to call and wait around for a cab to haul my ass back to Wing Joint (it was going on 1 if anyone cares). And 2, I did not want to be roped into crashing at her place, because that's a road that leads to issues. But against my better judgment I took her keys and said, "Alright, let's go." I told Dave that if I'm not back at the bar in 20 minutes that he needs to assume I'm dead or being held hostage. He laughed. I get Michigan Molly into her Oldsmobile and drive the 7 or 8 minutes up Battleground to where she stays at (Lincoln's Greens or something). Only instead of just sitting there while I'm courteously driving her home, Michigan Molly starts in with the grabbing and groping. A pitiful sight. I fended her off well enough and we arrived safely at her residence. I handed her the keys and she said to come in, she has some beer, blah, blah, blah... Well, I'm glad I did follow her in because she could not get her front door key to work. After like 3 minutes of falling all over the place trying to get the door to open, I aided her and we go in. This next detail is important, Michigan Molly drops her keys on a table and races to her bathroom. I sit down for a second and wonder how I'm gonna get out of here. Then I noticed the keys on the table. And yes, I picked them up, bolted out the door, raced to her shiny Oldsmobile, and drove straight back to Wing Joint. As I walked in Dave said, "We though we'd never see you again." I think he was only half-kidding. What I did was left Michigan Molly's keys behind the bar with a little note for her. Then I wrote her another note, drove my own car back to her apartment, put said note on her door and went home. So, that is the story of the night I technically committed grand theft auto while trying to help some poor drunk Michigan fan. It could only happen to me. Or Geilfuss. That's it.

Oh, if anyone cares, I've run into Michigan Molly a few times since then. She thanked me profusely for everything I did for her that horrible night.

I should probably say something crass about the BYU student honor code. But I've mocked Mormons enough here recently, and more or less just think the whole situation is a little depressing. Poor Jimmer. If you saw the game against the Lobos Wed night, he took like 30 shots trying to carry the Cougars.

Hoops tourneys start in earnest next Tuesday, and I'm gonna try and get picks up each day starting then.

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