27 Things You Have To See Before You Die

1- Jeff Ross at the Roast with Emmit Smith and Shaq.


2- Carl Lewis singing the National Anthem at a New Jersey Nets game in 1993 - sublime.


3-John L Smith being interviewed by Jack Arute right before halftime of the Michigan State/Ohio State game in 2005 - the coaches are screwing it up.


4- Dennis Green after the Arizona/Chicago Monday Night game in 2006. If you want to crown them...


5- Ron Cherry making a call in the 2007 UMD/NCSU game - He was giving him the business.


6-The Beavis and Butthead Christmas Special


7- The video for Express Yourself - when she's crawling around like a cat...Good God. It's too much. I can barely watch it, it's too good. As good as 7 and Fight Club are - this is by far David Fincher's best work. By far.


8- Jon Lovitz as Hanukkah Harry.


9- The Barry Gibb Talk Show with Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake.


10- Eddie Murphy in James Brown Hot Tub.


11- The Martin Lawrence Monologue from SNL in 1993 where he talks about the importance of douching. It's hard to find because Lorne Michaels edited it out in all repeats.


12- A Clockwork Orange


13- Rushmore


14- Lost In Translation


15- The Tropic of Thunder


16- Earle Bruce speak


17- Tony Dorsett against the Vikings on Jan 3, 1983.


18- The Bellaire Blur's 89 yard punt return against the Giants on Nov 5, 1995. I would advise not watching this and the Madonna video back-to-back. You will die of a heart attack.


19- John Wallace against Georgia - NCAA Tournament 1996.


20- Tyus Edny against Missouri - NCAA Tournament 1995.


21- U2


22- Paul Westerberg


23- Paul McCartney


24- Annete Bening in The Grifters


25- Wynona Rider in Reality Bites


26- Phoebe Cates in anything from the early 80s


27- Nastassja Kinski also in anything from the early 80s





OK.





I was at the Turquoise Terrapin recently and Bobby Nyk was there and he was drinking lots of shots of tequila - which is fine, but he wanders over to the table and he says "You guys must be law students." Now all we did was answer some stupid trivia question correctly- I don't even remember what it was exactly. Maybe something with the constitution??? Anyway, my buddy Danny knew it pretty quickly, whatever it was. So I said to Bobby Nyk in reply "I've spent a lot of time in prison for numerous felonies, but I've never been in law school." He was kind of toasty and said "for what?" I said "Non-payment of child support." He's not around anymore, but you can hear him shouting the theme to MNF (dun dun dun da) all the way from Howard the Duck County. And the one for the money...





I was sitting at a bar outside a hospital last night with my buddy Ross and there was a guy talking about ham sandwiches. I said to the guy "You like Black Forest?" The guy says " Yeah, I'm okay with people of color." Ross said "What a fucking moron."

I remember the night the kid cut off his right arm
In a fit to save a bit of power
He got fifty thousand watts
In a big acoustic tower