I was at the Ramada again and it was pretty late and it was pretty lame. The woman with the putrid breath who goes in there kept leaning in to talk to me in a disturbingly half-seductive way. She kept telling me how she focuses in all night long. Then she got up to sing Pat Benatar and the song was beyond terrible (Invincible) and she is one of the worst singers in there, but not so bad that she's entertaining (those are my favorites). She comes back and her breath was even worse somehow. I got up to move after awhile. I was getting depressed at this point. Then, I notice this guy Leonard is there. And I like Leonard - he's one of the guys who is such a bad singer that he's entertaining. I begged him to sing Enter Sandman. And he did. Leonard is so tone deaf that he's hopeless and he has a speech impediment. In the other words, he is the perfect karaoke singer. It was so awesome that as Leonard finished I got up and went over to give him a hug (and remember, I hate touching people). The night was really looking up now. So I get one more indiscriminate lite beer. About ten minutes later, I was talking to this woman named Boobie about chope and how she shouldn't be ashamed of her past when she starred in porn movies for guys with a fattie fetish. Then I look directly across the table from me. There was a homeless guy sitting there. And things got bad again. Now, some stupid do-gooder kid in there had asked this homeless guy to sit down and ordered him some food and started buying him Budweisers at some point much earlier in the night than when I got there. So, I look up at one point from my beer and this homeless guy is barfing all over the floor. I did learn one valuable detail at that moment - the do-gooder had bought him chicken. Well, Boobie sees the same thing and starts freaking out. In fact, some of the vomit somehow got on the arm of her awful, cheap, and awning sized coat. So, I'm getting up to leave (obviously) and the do-gooder says to me, and this is an exact quote, "You are a narcissistic asshole." As I walked by him on the way out I said "Okay."
Earlier I stopped into Get Bent Lounge for like 20-30 minutes. And J is in there and he is peppering me with questions about my picks for the NFL and the hard hitting bowl action this weekend. He said "I need one monster lock." I've told him before that there is no such thing as a lock - unless you know someone is throwing a game (and I don't have those kind of connections). So he says again "One monster lock-a-rooni." And I said "Why are doing Rob Schneider material from like 15 years ago?"
I was sitting at lunch minding my own business and these two guys in suits started talking about a guy named Bernie Made Off or something close to that. I've never heard of him. Anyway, they were saying how he ran some Ponzi scheme and screwed all these wealthy people out of wads of cash. And then one of them said to the other - "He looks like a Jew." Now, I'm not a spiritual person. In fact, whatever is the opposite of spiritual would be much closer to correct. But I hate stereotyping of any kind. I detest it. So I said to these guys "What do you mean by 'he looks like a Jew'?" The one guy said "He is Jewish. And he looks like other Jews." I said "Oh." I learned a valuable lesson right there - Don't question men in suits at a Subway.
There was this question at trivia about two writers who died on the same date in 1616. This real nice guy named Mike says "Longfellow?" I said "No."
I should be back out at Bananabees this evening for another spirited Friday of stupidity.
Lastly, one Monday night Paulie put on One Tree Hill at about 1:55. I stood up and yelled "Turn it up til we all go deaf." - TBFH
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