Mookie Blaylock

I was sitting in a bar one time and was watching an Atlanta Hawks game (this is sometime mid-90's) and I believe this was a Sunday. The Hawks were playing the Miami Heat in the playoffs. I started walking around the bar and I kept repeating, to no one in particular, - "Mookie Fucking Blaylock." And this one girl starts to get perturbed, and I don't really blame her too much because I must of seemed crazy, and after 15 or 20 minutes of screaming "Mookie Fucking Blaylock" like 50 or 100 times this girl asks "What's so special about him?" I looked her dead in the eye and said "He can flat ball."

This old guy I know, the guy who likes to say things like "Who gives a fuck?" and "Who fucking cares?" was leaving the Charred Pork Bucket as I was going in the other night. I didn't speak to him, but I did watch him take like 5 minutes to get into his truck and get going out of the parking lot. He seemed totally blitzed. It was 8:25 or so. So I wander into the bar and see where he had been sitting. Turns out he had been playing trivia and attempted to answer 10 questions. And I notice on his score sheet that he had gotten 2 right. I figured these had to be the easiest questions in the history of trivia - because he never gets an answer right when he's really drunk (and rarely gets an answer right at any level of being oiled up). So I go up to the kid running the game and I said "How in the world did that old dude get 2 answers right?" The kid said "I don't know. I was pretty surprised." I said "Surprised? Hell, I'm worried the world is about to end. What were the questions?" And then he told me the questions and both of them were 50/50 guesses. One was true/false and the other was a choice between two states (NY or PA). So then I said to the kid - "Whew! Thank God. The world is not going to end." And it didn't.

Tyson came out last night and he stumbles into the bar dead drunk. Dead drunk. He kept hugging the bartender Pat. One of the Jacobys comes over to me and says "Is he alright?" I said "Oh yeah, just wait. It's gonna get worse." And then two members of the Dream Team come in and sit their STD riddled bodies at the bar. And Tyson goes over to sit next to one of them. I looked at Andy and we started giggling uncontrollably. I yelled over to the Jacobys "Now is when it will get worse." And it did.

Another time, in 1988, I was sitting at my girlfriend's house and I was watching the Final Four game between Arizona and Oklahoma. And I'm there, Amy is there, and her Dad is there (Dr. Teske). And at one point there was this incredible steal and I stood up from the couch and yelled "Mookie Fucking Blayock."

I was out at the Ramada again last night and this trivia game starts up. The woman who runs it - I believe her name is Boobie - asks a series of ridiculous Christmas themed questions. At one point she asked what president made Christmas a federal holiday. I said "Jeff Davis?" We won anyway.