I just got a text from Danny here in the ATL and he is out at Royal Soak getting drunk. He just had to write a huge check to the IRS. You can't blame the kid. I did my own taxes earlier and had to write a check as well. And I could use a belt myself -believe me. The IRS - horrible, horrible people.
Geilfuss had this post on the Faceshit that he did recently. It was one of these stupid things where you answer 50 questions. Anyway, one of the questions was if you prefer the thong or boy shorts. And Geilfuss thought the question was in reference to himself, instead of to women. He said something like "I've never worn a thong, so I guess boy shorts by default." And I laughed and laughed. My man Geilfuss. (By the way, the correct answer is thong - and it's not even close. The thong has one huge advantage going for it - and I won't delve into why {it has something to with ease of...}, but thong is the correct answer.)
I was out at Royal Soak myself last night for a bit. And this trivia game breaks out. To my right were a couple of older dudes. And they decided to play the trivia. And they were awful. I felt bad for them. So, this one question comes up about The Gauntlet (and me, Todd Myers, and The Electric Boogie Woman dumped thousands of dollars of quarters into that game in the mid 80's). So, I write down the answer for these dudes - I wrote the word: Food (Blue Elf, Your Life Force Is Getting Low). And these two idiots spent 2 minutes trying to decipher what I'd written. It was pitiful and hilarious and existential (as most of the best moments in life are). They kept saying guesses like "F, O, U, S?" or "F, U, U, D?" I wish someone else had been there to witness it. Priceless. And the final question was about a director who died in 1980 and these guys said "Coppola." Not as a query, but as a statement. I said "Fellas, what time are you two due back at the group home tonight?" The one guy says "No. It has to be right." And I said "The only slight problem with your answer is that Francis Ford Coppola is still alive. And other than that it's still a terrible guess."
I was travelling yesterday and it sucked. We were grounded for 3 hours. And nothing too interesting happened waiting around PTI for 3 hours. So, we finally get into the ATL at like 2:40. And I go to the National counter to check in for the car - and I have been dealing with these people for the past several years, and they are so much worse than Avis (who I dealt with for about 8 years). Anyway, I get up to an agent and she goes to the self service kiosk and runs my info, and there is a message that I am on their Do Not Rent list and to call some number for help (normally I would find this amusing, but I was just in the mood from being help up 3 hours already). So, this clerk says "You have to call them. I don't know what to do." Which seemed odd, but I called the 800 number and got the snafu worked out with some customer service rep. I then proceed back to the counter to pay the $16.56 (Yes, $16.56) that was due to them. It was a gas surcharge that the company normally pays (that due to the computers being down last Friday afternoon was unpaid). And the rental agent woman from a few minutes earlier still didn't wanna help me. Now, it was busy and she was flustered. But this woman just seemed to have no interest in helping me. And I needed a car. I was way late for the day already. Instead of letting me pay her the $16.56 (did I mention it was $16.56? And I usually run up around $1000 a pop for National to bill this company? Oh yeah, did I mention it was for 16.56?) and sending me on my way, she wanted to send me to some mysterious part of the airport to see a manager. And that was not happening. So, I said "You really don't want me to have to get you fired do you? Because I really don't wanna do that." And I didn't. So, she said "I can't help you here. I have no idea what you're talking about." And everyone should be proud of me, because instead of getting into a really pointless conversation that would have resulted in security being called, I walked away a few feet, called the customer service rep back and she said to go right back to the front of the line and give this woman behind the counter the phone. And that I did. And when I told the woman behind the counter "This lady really wants to speak to you from your customer service center," well, that did the trick. The woman behind the counter suddenly became very helpful and efficient. I was out of there in 5 minutes. And I did give the customer service woman the renting agent's name - it was Therese. And my fervent wish is for Therese to undergo intense retraining or find another job. Hell, she'd fit right in on the Obama economic team - or, of course, the IRS.
There was one odd thing that happened during my 3 hour wait at PTI (and I have no idea why they call it International {the I stands for International}, because they only fly to like 7 or 8 cities and none of them are outside the US, unless you consider Philly to be international - ridiculous). I went into the CNBC store there and I was hoping they had the latest issue of Club. But, alas, they only had Playboy and Penthouse. So, I said to the lady behind the register "When are you gonna start stocking Club with the other porno mags in here?" She said "Child, you don't look like you need to be staring at any filthy old porno. You looks like you could getcha pussy any time you wanna." I said "No. I am a confirmed virgin. I have been saving myself for marriage. It will be my precious and sacred gift to my bride when I slip her the old high hard one." This clerk lady at the CNBC store says "Bullshit, honey." And I said "No, no. Really. I swear." And she asked "What kinda church you mixed up in baby?" And I said "It's the fucking Mormons ma'am."
I was watching the golf over the weekend and the guy kept saying "A tradition unlike any other." And there was this guy named The Tiger who got his ass kicked by a guy who goes by The Duck. And this is the 2nd time in the last couple years that this Duck has embarrassed this Tiger at a major. And I kept thinking, as this Tiger was bogeying the last 2 holes and thoroughly making an ass of himself "I wonder if he prefers wearing boy shorts or thongs?"
Love Plus 1.
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