I have been getting some criticism for my persistent and vicious attacks on fat people in this blog. And I gotta say - I'm about to do it again. So, I'm sitting at that same dive bar last night and the people in there are just awful - ugly and loud. This trivia game breaks out and the guy running it announces that it's double winnings night. And that meant $100 worth of gift certificates was up for grabs. And I play for the love of the game, not the prizes - but as long as they're giving out prizes...One team was sitting across the bar from me and they were two huge people. The woman had at least 10 chins. And these people were actually pretty good at the trivia. They probably dominate most of the time. So, the game goes along and I was playing fine. But every time I'd look over in the direction of the fat team - the woman had the most smug look on her face. And that started to irritate me. So, we get to the last question and I'm in 3rd - 3 pts out of the lead. And this 10 chin woman and her fat man are in 1st. Then the dude asks the final question. And it was about SNL (it had to do with Fran Tarkenton). And I knew the answer immediately. I took it up right away and was sure that Team Fatty saw how fast I'd answered. I was trying to apply pressure, make Team Fatty sweat a little, and generally get in their heads (you'd be surprised how serious some people take these stupid trivia games). And Team Fatty wasn't sure of the answer, and they started panicking and the 10 chinned woman kept looking over at me and the smug look on her fat face started to disappear. Team Fatty finally took their answer up at the very last second. And when the guy running the thing announced that I had won, I stood up, started walking over to him to get the prize and said, pretty loudly "Maybe that will wipe the smug look off that fat whore's face for a night." And I enjoyed that immensely. Making fat women angry - it's a strength of mine. And as my friend Paul J Whitehouse always said when someone called him an asshole, "You gotta go with your strengths."
I did manage to meet up with Danny for about an hour before the trivia game. And we were sitting at The Royal Soak and there were all these Chelsea fans in there and Chelsea won and are moving on to the Semis and that's fine and all. But, Chelsea fans are the biggest front runners in sports (worse than Dallas Cowboy fans and NY Yankee fans and Notre Dame fans -way worse) and I can't get down with that. Me, I pull for the Gunners. And they have a huge match here this afternoon. I don't root for teams per se (it's not wise to have an emotional investment in any team if you're gonna gamble on the sport). But my one exception is Arsenal. My main main man Dennis Bergkamp. He could flat ball. Oh, and don't forget Thierry Henry. He is a genius. Anyway, these Chelsea fans suck. Way worse than Man U fans even. And isn't it hysterical that Man U is still being sponsored by AIG? Instead of having AIG across the jerseys, they should have a picture of Barack Hussein Obama handing American taxpayer money to Malcolm Glazer.
I got a text from Andy last night and he said Geilfuss was out with some hot girl. And I texted Andy back and said "Is she retarded?"
Oh I almost forgot - Khaki Pants was out yesterday. And I hadn't talked to her since that Monday a few weeks ago. And Khaki Pants was wearing khaki pants again - only this time they were tighter and really accentuated her too big ass. She's an OK enough looking girl - don't get me wrong. But these khaki pants were not flattering on Khaki Pants. So, she's sitting down the way from me and Danny and peeking over way too often and in way too obvious a manner toward us. And at one point she smiled and she does have a nice smile. But I said "You might as well turn around. I'm not nearly drunk enough to even entertain the idea of trying to pretend to hold a conversation with you." Danny laughed. Poor Khaki Pants - she needs a man. Anyone interested, all you have to do is go in The Royal Soak and wait - she'll be in. And when she comes in, just promise that you won't leave her until the next morning after taking her home . And if you do that, I'm pretty sure you'll be good to go - not Paulie of course. But others.
I was out one time with Andy and Jess and we were playing this trivia game at Zoo Station and this guy from Chicago was there too (I don't remember the guy's name, but I think he and Jess were dating at the time, and she is quite a catch). So this question comes up about the Chicago fire and I say to the kid from Chicago - "You have to know this right?" And he says "There was a fire?"
Even Better Than The Real Thing
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