I am gonna start new feature on this blog and it is called - If I Could Ask Barry. The premise being, that it seems to me the press is not really asking old Barry any tough questions when given the opportunity. Now, that's cool. They don't have to ask him anything they don't want to. They have every right to support and be in awe of him and bow and worship and blah, blah, blah. I don't begrudge the press that. He's their guy. But it would be nice, or at least slightly informative, if somebody asked him something pointed from time to time. And since I'm not a reporter, and would never be a reporter, and am unhireable(?) for such a job, the best I can do is imagine how a question and answer session with old Barry would go if I were given the chance. And it might go something like this -
Barry - Yeah, you, the white kid. Fire away my man.
TBFH - Thanks dude. I was curious about the cap and trade policy you and the democrat party are pursuing. Isn't it likely that such a policy would be an added burden on energy consumers that would double or perhaps more than double many folks monthly energy bills? Wouldn't the costs associated with this cap and trade thing be passed right along to poor and middle class folks in various other ways as well, as big energy users pass costs down the line to the little guy?
Barry - Yes. The little guy would ultimately be screwed by this cap and trade policy in an economic sense. But, the economy is not a big problem any longer. I fixed it already. It's just a matter of time before everyone can afford to pay exorbitant energy costs. Trust me, my young friend, the benefit to the environment and the jobs created by pursuing such a radical energy policy are a "hope for" at best. I admit that. We're a little out on a limb here. But, it might work. And as long as we hope for it to work, then we're good. Hope is really the key. The results aren't always as important as hoping for the results. As long as we keep hoping, then our magnificent journey as a people will be fruitful. You got me there? Thanks for the question. I really enjoyed giving a straight answer.
TBFH - Follow up bro. How long do you think Ozzie should stick with Contreras if he continues to stink up the park on a regular basis?
Barry - Great follow up. Now that's an issue for Ozzie to work out. I won't presume to tell Ozzie how to run his pitching staff. Ozzie won the World Series back in 05- he's much more accomplished than I am. Me, I hope Contreras can get his issues turned around. But I'm just a fan. Like you I presume. You must follow the Sox?
TBFH -Not a chance in hell sir.
Barry- Who you pull for brother?
TBFH - The fucking Mormons sir.
Barry - You down with the Salt Lake Bees?
TBFH - You know it dude. Look I'd love to continue this, but I gotta run. I need to return some videos to Blockbuster. I'm out.
Barry - Peace my son.
I was out last night, back at Henry Hudson Grille and the guy running the trivia was terrible. Since the Hawks were playing (badly) at the same time as the trivia game, he decided that between questions he would put the TNT broadcast on the sound system. And the trivia game took forever as a result. Like over 2 hours. It sucked. At least they had the Reds game on and let me tell you this - Johnny Cueto was fucking dealing.
Another good night with the hoops picks. 2-1. I missed on the total in the Hawks/Heat affair. Who woulda thought the Heat would make 15 of 26 from 3? Crazy. But the under in the Magic/Sixer game was never in doubt and the Nuggets coasted to an easy 15 pt. win. 3 big games coming up this evening. Huge.
Geilfuss texted me about being in some store where he's the only person not speaking the old Espanol. And it reminded me of a time I was in a dive bar in a rural part of NC. And I was the only person not speaking the old Spanish myself. But I was really giving it an effort. I kept saying "Mas cerveza." And they kept bringing me something called Modelo (it's very popular in Mexico evidently). And a few hours pass and I'm hanging with these dudes and we're watching some soccer club called Santos play. And I think these Mexican dudes were impressed with my knowledge of futbol because, even though they could only understand probably 30% of what I was saying, they kept saying things like "You wanna shot o tequila bro?" And I had a few with these guys. And I stuck around and hung out with these guys for a few more hours and then these Hispanic chicks started showing up and I was feeling it because of the tequila. And these Hispanic chicks were not shy. Now when I see them out at their jobs and stuff they are generally pretty meek and seem like hard-workers, but they are pretty much deferential around white folks for some reason. However, when they were hanging out with other Hispanic folks they were a lot more open and way more fun. And these Hispanic chicks got wild. Two of them came up to me and I couldn't understand what they were saying - but I sure know what they had in mind. The only phrase I remotely understood - and it was crucial I understood it, was this - Dirty Sanchez. And fortunately for me, I was hammered, because things got way out of hand...
So lonely. So lonely. So lonely.
No comments:
Post a Comment