Your Own Personal Bea Arthur

Somebody claimed that Bea Arthur is dead. And I didn't realize that Bea Arthur was even alive (if that makes sense). But it reminds me of one of the best ways to mess with music lyrics. And that is: in Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode, replace the word Jesus with Bea Arthur (Your own personal Bea Arthur, someone to hear your prayers, someone who cares...). It's pretty funny. And if you don't find that amusing I can't help you.

Out last night watching the hoops and playing the silly trivia - played 2 big games and won one and 2nd in the other. Anyway I was at that dive bar for awhile and a guy sitting next to me starts chiming in his thoughts on the answers. And it turned out he was pretty knowledgeable about science and geography (2 of my weaker categories). So, I got the prize at the end ($70) and tried to give the guy half, but he wouldn't take it. It was nice to meet a regular person for once. I have no idea why the guy would spend any time at all in that awful dive bar. He was way too good a person for that crowd, and for me of course. I'm terrible. He had to put up with me screaming for the Bulls for about an hour and that had to be annoying (they covered and thank you again Ben Gordon). Later the Mavs just embarrassed the Spurs (which everyone should have seen coming) and I think the Spurs need to really retool about half their roster. They looked old and slow on the Mavs ball movement throughout the series. It was pretty sad. I have a soft spot for the Spurs, they've come through for me big over the years (especially 2 years ago in the finals against the Cavs - made a killing on that series, well, dug out of a sizable hole anyway).

Geilfuss was going on about his all time NBA team on his blog, including 6th man and his picks were fine. He and Pat were evidently bored at the bar the other night (probably because I wasn't there to entertain everyone) and were making up stuff to pass the time and came up with the idea. And here would be my lineup - 1st team: Isiah Thomas, Kobe Bryant, John Havlicek, Dennis Rodman, Moses Malone, 6th man is Dell Curry. 2nd team: Chris Paul, George Gervin, Julius Erving, Bill Laimbeer, Hakeem Olajuwon, 6th man is Dale Ellis.

I see where Barack Hussein Obama is holding a news conference this evening and I won't be watching, but I do think it is time for another edition of If I Could Ask Barry. And it might go a little something like this -

Barry - You back again my young friend? I thought you'd been banned from these things.

TBFH- No sir. My parole agreement only applies to staying more than 1,000 feet away from any school - not from the White House.

Barry- Fair enough brother. Whatcha got for me today?

TBFH - Well sir, I wanted to ask you about this whole thing with stimulating packages. It seems like about $800 billion is a lot of money to spend on boner medications for aging boomers. Doesn't it?

Barry- You have an excellent point there kid. It is a lot. Let me explain my reasoning for the $800 billion. If all the guys having trouble getting it up can be helped by drugs like Viagra and even the fake drugs like Enzyte, then my thought is that they will be in better moods and spend more of their money on things like dinners with young skanks and lingerie for young skanks, really the idea is to get these guys packages stimulated to get them to stimulate various sectors of our economy that are vital to our economic well being. I'm not certain it will work. I admit that. But, we have to wait and see and hope - Hope that all the increased boomer boners turn everything around.

TBFH - Isn't that a little gross? I mean I know old dudes want to get it up and nail women and all, but do we want to see guys walking around all day with stiffies who can't find some gal to slip the old high hard one to?

Barry- That is an inevitable byproduct of this legislation, yes. And to be frank when I'm in a meeting with Joe Biden I make it a point to not look down. Because I think that man is loaded on boner drugs brother. Ya got me?

TBFH- Yeah dude. By the way, this pig flu thing - have you noticed more people walking around oinking as a result?

Barry- It's funny you should mention that, because I caught my wife oinking last night. Although between you and me, it kinda turned me on. Ya dig?

TBFH -No sir. Not at all. I have seen girls with pig faces and there is nothing enticing about them.

Barry - You have a point brother. My advice is this, and I want to be clear on this, because pig-faced girls need to get nailed too. So my advice to all the men out there, and especially my white friends, is to put a bag over a chick's head if she has a pig face and go to work. That work for you, my young friend?

TBFH- Dude, I'm taking off. I gotta pick up my dry cleaning.

Barry- Peace to you my son.

Oh, one last update on that Fleetwood Mac backstage pass situation. The concert was last night and old Fran never came through for me. Not that I'm all that surprised...I just wish she'd never said anything in the 1st place.

We make decisions

That's what we do

That's what we do