Friday, April 17, 2009

Liberal Guilt Manifests Itself In A Portuguese Water Dog


If you operate under the premise that life is completely absurd (which is not a bad idea) and there is no rhyme or reason for any of it, then you'd thoroughly enjoy that dive bar I've gone into the last month. I'm sitting there again last night and this trivia game starts up and Team Fatty was sitting across the way again. Only this time I made my team name Morbid Obesity (which I've used from time to time over the years). And the fat boyfriend part of Team Fatty comes up to me after the game, as I was heading out, and asks "Was that team name some kind of insult to my girlfriend?" And I said "Um, yeah." He said "Asshole. Fucking asshole." And I said "That very well might be. I'm not gonna quibble with you over your assertion. But, I'm not the one trying to pull back that whore's 10 chins just to beg her for a blow job. Am I? You sicko." And then I got sincere for a moment with this heavy guy. I said "You are a disgusting, fatty fucking animal. And I don't believe in god, but if there was one you should apologize for ever getting sexually involved in any way, shape, or position with that 10 chinned wonder." I was a little emotional. I normally don't speak from the heart like that. But this girl is morbidly obese. And this guy is enabling her by plowing her from time to time and I wanted to do the right thing for once. He seemed moved by what I'd said. He was tearing up a little. He said "You know brother, I know you said you're not a religious man. But do you think you could pray with me, right here in this fine bar, for god to forgive me for fucking that huge nasty monstrosity?" And I said "No. Jesus no, that's awful. You're worse than I thought. You should take your pants off and go over to her right now and thank the lord that any woman would service you. You're repulsive and stupid and poorly spoken." I took off. And I couldn't get out of there fast enough.


As for the game itself, I was awful - until the last question (the great equalizer). I was down 12 points to Team Fatty and they asked a question about Ronald Wilson Reagan. And I ended up only in 2nd place, but at least I passed Team Fatty - they tanked on the Reagan question. I'm very difficult to beat if they are gonna ask those kinds of questions at the end.


I saw where a bunch of white folks gathered in various cities the other day to protest Barack Hussein Obama's economic plans. And I'm not much of a protester. I don't care about anything enough to expend energy protesting. So, these folks had one of these rallies here in Atlanta and I was sitting at Henry Hudson Grille and one of the TV's was on the Roger Ailes Network and this guy next to me is going on about what a movement this is and how old Barry's in deep water with these people. And I don't think so. It seemed about as pointless to me as the hippie losers who were out protesting the war in Iraq 5 or 6 years ago. Barry doesn't care that these people are mad over his policies. I understand the frustration about old Barry, he is making a huge power grab and blah, blah, blah. But, protesting like a bunch of smelly hippies is not gonna change one thing. The guy next to me seemed to get my point, to an extent. But he said "You have any faith left in the GOP?" And I said "Not since that idiot Gringrich came into power. No." He asked "Well, how do you vote?" And I replied "Voting is for suckers." And it is. It really is. Then I added "Plus the people who work at the polls are old and they smell. They smell almost as bad as hippies." The guy next to me said "You've got a point about the old people at the polling places." And I have no idea if I was right about old people who work at the precincts smelling or not - I was just assuming. It stands to reason. Doesn't it? The truth is that I've never voted in my life - I don't want jury duty.


Also, people are up in arms over this dog that Barack Hussein Obama got for his kids. And I haven't seen a picture of this dog or anything. But why would anyone criticize a dog? What the hell did the dog ever do? And if old Barry's children like this dog, then leave them all alone. It's ridiculous. Besides, I hear old Barry got this dog from that guy who killed that woman in Chappaquiddick. And that guy is going through some kind of cancer and if ever there was a guy who deserved to give old Barry a pup - it's that guy who killed that woman in Chappaquiddick. What a horrible person. I think he likes to knock a few back. But he can't buy another drink for that woman he killed at Chappaquiddick. Can he? So I guess he's compensating for not being able to buy the woman he killed a drink by buying old Barry some Portuguese dog. And that makes perfect sense - Liberal guilt: where you compensate for killing a woman by drinking your life away and then 40 years later buying a dog for Barack Hussein Obama's children.


I heard that Jenene Garafalo was calling the folks at these tea demonstration/protest things racists. And that's just silly of course. But, I always liked Jenene Garafalo. She did this bit one time about going to a Weezer concert and I found that pretty amusing and she is in one of my favorite movies (the one with Winona Ryder, Ben Stiller, and Ethan Hawke). So, I wish she wasn't so totally silly with her political comments. It's a shame - because she's a smart girl.


NBA playoffs start this weekend and it is one of the best times of the year for all the degenerate gamblers (guys not unlike myself). I am working hard to try and figure out these spreads. We'll see what happens...


Hold Back The Rain


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