Dave Still Plays With Dick On A Weekly Basis

I was back out at Charred Pork Bucket last night for the 1st time in like over 2 & 1/2 months. And a trivia game breaks out as usual. Now, the old drunk guy was there. But, he was sitting pretty far down from me, so I didn't get the pleasure of interacting with him much at all. He seemed pretty sober actually. It was pretty uneventful really. We stunk it up for most of the trivia game, then made a comeback and won on the last question. Dave had recently gotten a haircut, and that seemed to be the big topic of discussion - I have no idea. Like I said, it was pretty uneventful. Although the server's name was Mandy - and that meant that I started asking her about Barry Manilow whenever she would come by the table. I'd say things like "Oh Mandy, you came and you gave without taking. And now I'm gonna send you away." Stuff like that - Andy found it pretty amusing I think. Also Dave got in some hot water about the name of a cat in the Harry Pothead Books - Dave wants to call all cats Pussy for some reason. So after the question was asked I started yelling the word pussy really loudly down towards Dave's direction for several minutes and his response was, as always - "Go fuck yourself." Andy knew the answer to the Harry Pothead cat question. I have no idea. I didn't pay any attention to what he wrote down. But Andy knows about the Harry Pothead, so I don't have to. Do I? Anyway, it was good to see Dave still in the same bar and still playing with Dick - right there in public, totally unashamed.

I stopped in to see Pat, pretty briefly - for like an hour or so after trivia at Get Bent Lounge. And while he has been winning with my basketball picks, he's been giving some of it back by betting baseball and playing roulette online. And I've been telling him forever to not bet baseball and never play online roulette -but he can't help himself, he's got a gambling problem, or as I would call it - a gambling opportunity. That's me - where others see problems, I see opportunities (and I like that song Opportunities immensely).

I saw where Barack Hussein Obama went and spoke to graduates at Notre Dame. There seemed to be some controversy over his appearance there - I have no idea why. I think it had something to do with allowing ugly chicks to get abortions. And believe me, I'm all for it. I don't see where the issue is on this. Anyway, I think Notre Dame is affiliated with the Catholic Church (that could be why I call them the Papists when they take the football field in the fall). And old Barry is not Catholic to my knowledge. I know he went to that church where the preacher dressed like an African wizard, but I don't know what the church's affiliation was as far as what protestant denomination they were mixed up with (maybe 7th day Adventurist?). So, evidently old Barry is pushing for more abortions and the Catholic folks aren't down with his abortion loving ways. And I guess I wonder, if you disagree so vehemently with the guy, why invite him to speak at your campus? Unless Notre Dame is in line for some of this package stimulation money that old Barry is giving away like candy, I don't get the invite. Although if Notre Dame is looking for federal money to stimulate packages of priests, then I might offer one piece of advice to the male students at Notre Dame and all the young dudes throughout rural Indiana - RUN!!! If you don't, your ass is gonna be sore. I mean sore. Ouch!

Well, it looks like our 3 year national nightmare is over. Kornheiser is out at MNF. And I don't want to ridicule a man when he's down, but Kornheiser was so awful and so out of his element on MNF. He sucked. So, good riddance to you Kornheiser (and now there will be no Madden or Kornheiser - And let me say, if Barack Hussien Obama is responsible for this huge and important change, one even I can believe in, I swear I will register to vote, and go to a polling place in 2012 and I will stand in front of the voting machine and I will strongly consider voting for old Barry for several nanoseconds, then I'll start laughing as I request a pen for a write-in candidate and scream very loudly "I wanna vote for Dick Fucking Cheney."). But the lame reason Kornheiser gave for "leaving" MNF is his fear of travel. And that's just stupid. And irrational. He and Madden both have a thing for bus travel, which is far more dangerous than air travel. And grown adults who can't seem to grasp this basic fact are morons. Most folks are afraid to fly that 1st time (understandably)- when they're like 2 or 3. Then by the time they're around 5, it's old hat. So, I guess the conclusion to come to is that Madden and Kornheiser are in some state of arrested development - toddler aged arrested development. Pitiful.

I had this English class one time - way back in the day. And the teacher was named Mrs Rummer. And I felt a little sorry for old Mrs. Rummer. This school didn't have the luxury of dividing students into different levels of classes (AP, Honors, remedial, whatever). So all the kids were bunched together (this school was not the same as the school I graduated from - I left this school in 1987). And poor Mrs. Rummer had her hands full with lots of kids who were bordering on being functionally illiterate (including me of course). So what old Mrs. Rummer decided to do is break up the class into 3 sections. This way she could cater to the kids who needed the most attention and let the smarter kids work independently and not be held back by listening to the tedium of trying to explain noun/verb agreement to poorly dressed kids who rarely bathed. Anyway, somehow a big mistake was made and I was put in the group that got to work independently. I have no idea how. If you read any sentence on this blog, I'm sure grammatical errors are everywhere (but I'm too stupid to even realize it). So, there were 5 of us in this independent study group. And 3 of the kids were very bright, hard-workers who took the privilege of working apart from the rest of the class very seriously. Then, there was me and Todd Myers. And we didn't take it seriously. We played chess instead (Todd beat me all the time, I suck at chess). Or goofed around. Or chatted. Or read the USA Today. But we rarely worked on grammar, that I remember distinctly. And I felt a little bad for the 3 other kids who really understood what a privilege they'd been given (I don't remember their names - shocking!). And Mrs. Rummer got in contact with me recently (the damn Faceshit again). And I want to take just a moment to apologize to old Mrs. Rummer for abusing her well-intended set-up in that English class 22 years ago. Although, if Todd and I were in the same situation again, we'd probably do the same thing. Who could blame us? We were 16.

One time old Mrs. Rummer had us do some kind of skit to present one of Paul's 3 missionary trips to the class (I have no idea how anyone saw any educational value in this - and I didn't take it seriously at the time, nor should I have, nor should have anyone else). And so what I did is wrote a rap (with some help from, again, you guessed it, Todd Myers {he was a life saver at this school}). And there was a big poor kid who we were working with on this project named Whacker (yes, he beat off a lot) who could kind of beat box. And another kid named Ron Devoe (I could and will someday tell really funny stories about old Ron Devoe) who could also beat box. Then we had these 3 girls in our group and they were the 3 best looking girls in our class (one of them was so hot that I actually remember her name - Rayna Russell). And so what Todd and I did is this - we had Whacker and Ron Devoe beat box while these 3 hot girls stood there dancing seductively in flapper dresses (yes, flapper dresses - they were half naked) while he and I traded dope rhymes about one of Paul's 3 missionary trips. I'm still a little surprised we didn't get suspended for doing this (I have a feeling old Mrs. Rummer was a fan of ours). I don't remember the whole rap, but here are a few lines I do remember as they are burned in my brain forever. Oh, and remember that when we got to the chorus, all it consisted of was the 3 hot girls in flapper dresses saying, as seductively as possible, "Paul was the man." -

Here's a little story about a man named Paul

He was inspired by God who is the lord of ALL

God told Paul to go on a mission

So he dropped his pole and quit his FISHIN'

Chorus...

It was pretty funny. And there might be a video of this performance somewhere, because I do recall old Mrs. Rummer videotaping the thing. I think I was wearing a Members Only jacket and trying hard to emulate Mike D from the Beastie Boys. That would be interesting to see...

I'm out -TBFH