I was out at some cookout party Saturday afternoon with Andy and folks from where he works. And it was pretty cool. The people were nice enough and everything. But there was a lady there who was wearing a denim skirt and she was on the chubby side (which is fine of course. I have nothing against fat people). Well the denim skirt only covered to about 2 inches below her ass. When this lady sat down outside on a lawn chair, she sat directly across from me. She was about 15 feet away. The thing is, this chubby lady who was wearing a denim skirt that only covered 2 inches below her ass, she didn't cross her legs. So, the first thing I discovered was that she was wearing some blueberry colored Lycra fabric panties. And the second thing I discovered is that without too much effort, I could draw a very realistic rendering of her vulva. Because those blueberry colored Lycra panties were tight and it was warm and big folks tend to sweat and those panties were very snug on this lady's private area. And I am having a difficult time getting the image of this denim skirt wearing chubby lady's vulva out of my head. I really am. I sent Andy a text at one point during the party and it was this - The lady in the denim skirt needs to keep her legs crossed. And I was right about that because Andy wholeheartedly agreed with me. Of course I think he spit his beer out right after he read the text. I tend to make the kid do that from time to time.
I was so bored on Sunday afternoon that I wandered into the Hoyt's cinema on Nursery Rd. in Linthicum Heights at about 12:40 and told the girl selling the tickets to give me one for whatever was showing next. And that was a bit of a mistake. She gave me a ticket to see a movie with the guy from Punchline and Obi Wan Kenobi. And it was ridiculously implausible. And silly. But it wasn't totally unwatchable because Obi Wan Kenobi is a pretty good actor. He kept my interest just enough to keep watching the thing. But the guy from Punchline was terrible. Although to be fair, the script was pitiful and lots of the dialogue he had to say was utter nonsense - so I give the guy from Punchline a bit of a pass. Don't go out of your way to see this nonsense. But when they start showing it on TNT in a few years, if you flip by it, you might want to watch it for a bit because Obi Wan Kenobi plays a priest (not Holmes) and he's diabolical - although you can see the "surprise" ending coming for quite a while, so it's not riveting or anything. But still...I did kill 2 and 1/2 hours in Linthicum Heights. So that's something at least.
Later Sunday I was at a place called The Maritime Institute for Advanced Conservative Studies and was so bored that I watched 3 movies on Fox Movie Channel to pass the time. One was Planet of the Apes. Another was Porky's. And the third was - and this is interesting, Die Hard. Now, I had never watched Die Hard - which is hard to believe I know. But when that movie came out in the summer of 1988 I just never made it to the thing. I was dating old Amy Teske at the time and we probably saw like 15 or 20 movies that summer (although to be fair, we didn't always do such a hot job of paying close attention to the screen). But we never made it to Die Hard for some reason. And I never saw it on TV after that until Sunday - 21 years later. And so many guys talk about how it is one of their favorite movies ever. And I can see that a bit, if you are like 15. But the fact is that it's pretty watchable. Pretty entertaining. But not great. I saw the 3 sequels to Die Hard and I liked all 3 of them just as much, if not more (the 2nd one and the one with Mace Windu are better). Oh, and the dude from Breakfast Club was in Die Hard, and he is way better in Breakfast Club. And what, you might be wondering, were the movies that Amy Teske and I went to in the summer of 1988 instead of Die Hard? Here are the ones I remember seeing:
1) Big - pretty entertaining. Old Robert Loggia and the guy from Punchline again. He's all over this blog today. And when the Punchline guy does Elizabeth Perkins and he's really like 10 years old - that is awesome.
2) Shakedown - terrible. I remember they used the song Purple Haze in one scene (I think it was a scene with Sam Elliott).
3) Willow - not too bad, but I think it was too long. And Joanne Whalley -there's something.
4) The Great Outdoors - Not very good, but when that bear comes into the cabin, it's vaguely amusing. And Danny Aykroyd was awful in it. Although Annette Benning was in there too, so...
5) Funny Farm - not real funny, but not terrible.
6) Bambi - they rereleased it for some reason that summer. I remember seeing it on a Saturday afternoon with Amy and Amy's little brother Brian (he was a good kid, the 2 of us would hang out and play the Gauntlet on his Nintendo from time to time).
7) Married To The Mob - pretty good. And Michelle Pfeiffer. I enjoyed it. Also Alec Baldwin.
8) A Fish Called Wanda - Kevin Kline and old Jamie Lee Curtis. Really funny. And the stuttering...
9)Bull Durham - Awesome. When Kevin Costner was watchable and Tim Robbins wasn't an irritating communist.
10) Who Framed Roger Rabbit? - One of my favorites. I probably drug Amy to see it like 3 times in a month or something.
11) Midnight Run - Probably the best high concept "buddy" movie ever made - even though Grodin and De Niro aren't exactly buddies for most of the movie. And the rest of the cast is really good. Yaphet Kotto. And remember this about Midnight Run - it has both Joey Pants AND Philip Fucking Baker Fucking Hall - Bookman.
There are some other movies but I'm forgetting them - I'm sure they were awful. The one movie I refused to see that summer was Young Guns. I remember my friend Morgan Howie was talking about going just to mock all the girls in the theater swooning. In retrospect, I probably should have.
I saw where the anchor for the NBC Nightly News without Tom Brokaw bowed before Barack Hussein Obama- which makes perfect sense. And I'd like to thank this news anchor for going ahead and bowing, because it leaves no doubt now how the media feel about old Barry. They worship him like a messiah - a pot smoking brother messiah from Hawaii.
Also, I saw where old Barry claimed that the US was a Muslim country. And I don't know what he knows that no one else does, but I'm not sure how this claim would hold up to scrutiny. As far as I know there are like 2 or 3 million Muslims in the US - less than 1% of the population. So, old Barry couldn't have meant we are a Muslim country based on the low number of Muslims actually living here. What I think he meant is that, even though he throws up all these smoke screens to hide it, he is secretly Muslim and since he is the "leader" of our country (not my leader of course, I'll take Dick Cheney personally) the US is a de facto Muslim country. I'm not sure what else he could possibly have meant by such a crazy statement.
Anyone curious how the big championship trivia game went down Saturday night will be disappointed. We lost. And that's not the worst of it. The worst of it is that the guy who plays devil's advocate and studies his notes won. And he came up to me after the game to gloat like an asshole and he and I got into a bit of a contentious conversation over his ability to find work (or I should say lack of ability to find work). So, at one point I suggested he stand on the corner of Loch Raven and Joppa and wait to be picked up and make some money as a day laborer (hell, he could probably supervise the Mexican day laborers). And the guy who plays devil's advocate and studies his notes really didn't appreciate that at all. He said "I'm glad I beat you." Now I didn't doubt that for one second anyway. But the way he phrased it was like it was 1 on 1 (him vs me) - which is absurd. But if it makes the guy who plays devil's advocate and studies his notes take a brief respite from his miserable life, so be it. You go Tom...
He's the hairy headed gent
Who ran amok in Kent
I'm out - TBFH
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