A Smooth Criminal

Last night, I ran into Patrick Bateman's in that town where Elaine Benes is from. And this trivia question pops up about Dick Gere movies and we were playing the game with Nana's crew and there is a guy with Nana's crew who is highly annoying. I cannot recall the guy's name, but it's not Mike or Tom (this is a good Tom, not the Tom who plays devil's advocate and studies his notes) - it's the other guy - the guy with the white mustache. So, this highly annoying guy with the white mustache comes over and says "Wall Street?" Later a question comes up about British monarchs and the highly annoying guy with the white mustache says "Louie?" Andy wasn't at the trivia last night. And I really needed him there, because Andy keeps this highly annoying guy with the white mustache away from me so I can think in peace for a minute. But that was not the case last night - at one point I had to tell the highly annoying guy with the white mustache "Could you please, please give me 1 minute to think before making any suggestions on answers?" And the good Tom (not the Lurch-like Tom) realized that I was getting frustrated and pulled the highly annoying guy with the white mustache away from me. We played really well (or I should say, I played very well - I was on fire). Geilfuss came out and was trying to participate and even he got into the act on the Dick Gere movies, because he said "Runaway Bride." And he was dead on there. But, I don't think I can go to Patrick Bateman's on Thursday again and help Nana's crew if that highly annoying guy with the white mustache is there, unless Andy acts as a buffer. The kid really comes in helpful in all sorts of ways. I did want to thank Nana's crew overall though, because they payed my, McGrain (Dan came through like a champion in helping figure out the last question), and Geilfuss' tab last night - which probably ran close to $25.

CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT- Geilfuss is starting another new job today (the kid goes through jobs like Joe Biden goes through boner medication). And this time he's going to be out at the Bananabees on Padonia Rd strolling around and pleading with hideously ugly trivia teams to pay their tabs and get lost. And I wanted to take a moment and wish him well. And, for the 1st time ever, I am gonna start a contest on this blog. In the leave a comment section for today, I would like everyone to pick the date that will be Geilfuss' last day at the Bananabees on Padonia Rd. I am calling this The Day Geilfuss Stops Working at Bananabees Either Because He Quits, Gets Fired, Or Gets Laid Off Pool. The rules are simple - pick a date, first come first serve (so folks who check this blog frequently are gonna have an edge in that they will get their top choices), and unlike other pools, Geilfuss IS eligible to play (I would love to see if he quits on the day he picks in the pool just to win the pool). The prize is going to be the shot of your choice at the bar of your choosing (anywhere in the world except along Ritchie Highway). Also, I will sit in with the winner for a game of trivia anywhere in the world (again except anywhere on or near Ritchie Highway) and believe me, access to my brain during trivia can be very valuable. As far as where I would be leaning on a date in this pool - next Monday sounds about right.

UPDATE 6/27 - CONTEST CANCELLED. GEILFUSS ALREADY QUIT. He stayed one day.

I was out again in Linthicum Heights on Wednesday evening - no trivia out there I don't think. And I went into this place that's an old house. On the main floor is a sub shop, but in the basement of this sub shop is a bar. It's a big basement. And the decor is like something right out of Goodfellas (the part set in the late 50's/early 60's). The clientele in this joint is mainly guys between 45 - 65 who probably work at pretty decent blue collar jobs - they seem like good, decent, far right, Obama hating Americans. But this basement bar also is very popular with stewardesses from Southwest Airlines for some reason (Linthicum Heights is like 7 minutes from the airport and I'm guessing they have a compound of apartments for the stewardesses nearby). And there were 3 stewardesses in this basement bar the other night (I've been in the place a few other times and there are usually about 7-10 of them in there). So, I'm sitting at the corner of the bar and watching the rerun of the US/Spain match (possibly one of the 10 greatest accomplishments to occur in my lifetime by the way - in any field, not just sports), minding my own business and enjoying some indiscriminate lite beer. It got to be about midnight (I couldn't stay out too late, I had a big day of work ahead) and one of the stewardesses comes over to me and starts running her right hand through my hair. I don't like to be touched, but I let it slide for once, why? - because she had a skirt on that barely covered her ass, that's why. So, I didn't really say anything to her and then about 30 seconds passed and this woman said to me "I'm Donna and my friends dared me to come over here and run my hand through your hair without saying anything to you." I said "They dare you to do anything else?" Donna said "Not yet, but I'll let you know if they do." I said "OK, glad I could help with the dare. Normally I would start screaming at a woman if she pulled what you just did." Donna said "Well, I guess I'm just special then." So, Donna walks the 6 feet or whatever to the table she and these other stewardesses are sharing and sits down. I go back to watching the soccer match. Well just towards the time that Michael Bradley got unjustly kicked out of the match, this Donna woman comes back over to me and doesn't speak again, instead this Donna stewardess woman leans into my ear and sticks her tongue into it. And then I did flip out "Damn Donna! I've met some skanky stewardesses over the years, but this is pretty bad. What are they giving you for going through with this dare?" She said "Nothing." And then I kind of rethought the situation. I'm not a great fan of random stewardesses shoving their tongues down my ear, but I was in Linthicum Heights and she was somewhat not too undoable. So I said "You wanna go sit in that booth in the back?" And she was pretty eager to for some reason. She really was. So, here's my tip for anyone who happens to be in or around Linthicum Heights for some God-forsaken reason - go into the basement bar on Hammonds Ferry Rd, sit there, drink, and wait for some blonde stewardess from Phoenix to shove her tongue into your ear. If you do all these things, it's not the worst way to pass about the next 45 minutes that ensue. It's really not.

I saw where Barack Hussien Obama had some big TV event the other night to try and talk people into going along with socialized medicine. I didn't watch it, obviously. But I don't think he did so hot, because apparently ABC news people (who are in the tank worshippers of old Barry) kept having to prod him to give straight answers to people. And when ABC news folks are doing this, you know it's a bad performance. What old Barry was saying wasn't flying with any reasonable person who actually has health insurance, I'm sure. Most of the people are gullible most of the time, but when you tell even the most gullible of morons that they might be dropped from their private insurance by their employer and placed on a public plan to save money for the employer, that's gonna make the gullible, unwashed masses, very nervous. It should by the way. I would pay whatever penalty necessary to stay as far away as possible from any government run health care plan. I promise you that. And I'm not alone there. I guarantee you that as well. Old Barry is stepping way in the deep end by messing with people's health issues.

I was flipping around the old TV and came across some flick from the 70's starring Angie Jolie's dad (it was called Conrack if anyone cares). Anyway, it was a little melodramatic for my taste. Now, whenever I used to see Angie Jolie's dad, I thought of Ned Beatty squealing like a pig (obviously). But a few weeks ago, Angie Jolie's dad was speaking to some group about Barack Hussein Obama and he said this: "Beware false prophets." And I say "Amen to you, Angie Jolie's dad. You go with all your old Barry is gonna cause the end of the world silliness. Very impressive there." That's precisely the kind of crap that makes everyone who disagrees with old Barry look utterly ridiculous. Way to go.

I ran into Gary from Getting The Crabs last night at the trivia game. The last time I saw him (about a month ago) he was saying how he enjoys the blog and half lives vicariously through me and all my silly adventures. And I was just speaking to the guy who writes movie reviews in Chicago (and he needs a haircut - badly. So badly in fact, that I printed a list of salons and barbers in the Cockeyedville/Pantimonium/Blunt Valley area) and we haven't crossed paths in 4 months. And we were kinda talking about the same thing. He was saying it's kind of like you're there with me on all these silly adventures all over the place. And I think that's nice. I had no intention of that being the case when I started this blog back last November, but it's nice that it is the case (at least for some of you). Of course, it's my body that is paying the price - but that's ok. I always tell Andy, it's the cost of being in this business.

100th post is coming next - not sure when it will be up exactly, but should be by mid next week. I'm gonna be super busy at the beginning of next week, but should find some time. As I hinted at yesterday, I have a special feature planned.

Oh, and if anyone is coming down to the O's game tonight, you can find me, Andy, Geilfuss, and probably several other kids out in front of Sliders starting around 6:45. Andy is easy to spot, even in a crowd - look for the big kid (not sure if he'll be sporting the mohawk tonight or not) sweating up a storm and pouring beer on his head to stay cool.

Lastly today, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the death of the guy who put wine in a Pepsi can for the kid from Home Alone. And I'm not gonna make any crass comments or untimely jokes at the expense of the guy who put wine in a Pepsi can for the kid from Home Alone. Instead, I will tell you a story. I was out one time in like the spring of 1988 (I was 17). And I snuck into a place on campus called Purity (sounds like the name of a strip joint, come to think of it now) with a couple other kids. And it wasn't easy to sneak into Purity - it was underground. Anyway, what I remember is hearing Smooth Criminal for the 1st time. And people who know me, they know I'm not real big on dancing (unless I'm dead drunk, then all bets are off -depending where I am). So, what happened is that I liked Smooth Criminal so much that I went out on the dance floor part of Purity (for the people reading this who actually went in the place in the 80's or 90's - it was back by the enormous speakers) and I started moonwalking - and yes, I taught myself after seeing Motown 25 (I was 12). And for all of you who know me pretty well, a guy who is so good that he inspires me to actually moonwalk around in public (and I wasn't drunk at the time either, only probably a little lit), is a genius. And old Mike Jackson - he was a genius.

Annie are you OK?

So, Annie are you OK?

Are you Ok Annie?

You've been hit by

You've been struck by

A smooth criminal

I'm out - Peace. TBFH