I was out at a little kid swim meet type thing for awhile last night (don't worry I was there because Mary coaches the kids, not to ogle young girls in bathing suits - I was worried Tom might be there for that purpose {he has good skin, remember?}). And I got a big bang out of it because the little little kids don't really do a specific swim stroke. They just kind of flail around trying to complete one lap of the pool. It's pretty amusing and I highly recommend going to one for like a 1/2 hour sometime. Also, they serve beer at this pool and Artie Donovan was holding court on his scooter type deal - so that was cool too.
Later at Zoo Station a trivia game broke out and it was an all TV themed game. We played pretty well. Anyway, Gramma Dave came over and we were discussing the issue he initially had with my depiction of him and his political views on this blog. And Gramma Dave admitted that perhaps he took my mindless ramblings a bit too seriously at first. He seemed relieved that there isn't any reason to disagree or argue with anything on this blog. Instead, Gramma Dave now just reads the thing (and hopefully chuckles from time to time) and moves on with his day. One interesting comment was made during this conversation about Gramma Dave's living situation. Now, here's the background you need to know. Gramma Dave was engaged to a really nice girl who I met 2 or 3 times last year. Well, at some point they broke off the engagement (it's absolutely none of my business as to why they broke up, but I'm guessing it's Gramma Dave's fault - I mean it has to be, right? I shouldn't and won't speculate as to the reasons for the break up. But I will say that this nice girl he was engaged to probably got tired of Gramma Dave's constant leftist political rants and could you blame her?). Anyway, the couple made the mistake of moving in together at one point and neither one of them could leave for some reason (they are both on the lease evidently). So, the bottom line (which is a great song by my man Mick Jones {not the Mick Jones from Foreigner}) is Gramma Dave is still living with this girl. What's funny is that he calls her his roommate. Of course, I call her what she is - his ex-fiance. Now at one point Gramma Dave was discussing his prospects for getting some kind of signing bonus for a new career he's delving into. And Andy made the comment that maybe with this windfall signing bonus, Gramma Dave can get his own place and move away from the ex-fiance, errr...roommate. Then Gramma Dave says, in a moment of heartbreaking candor, "I think she'd like me to move out." And then I said "Who can blame her?" Gramma Dave was laughing after that. You gotta give it to the guy - he's got a good sense of humor. He's one of the only leftist dudes I've ever met who I actually like.
I was back out in beautiful Lithicum Heights on Sunday afternoon and I was sitting at an Opal Wednesday's watching the soccer, golf, and the O's game. I was minding my own business as always (and to be honest Linthicum Heights is not exactly the kind of area where I really thrive - some scary people out there). To my left around at the front of the bar was this dude wearing a black wife-beater. He was menacing looking, with a goatee and tons of tats. The thing about his tats is that they were not done using color ink - which means one thing, he got his tats in prison. So, this menacing looking prison tat guy is sitting there and drinking Corona Lights for some reason (not what you'd think a guy like this would be drinking) and at the point that the US scored its second goal of the match, I yelled "YES!" - as I often do when the US or Arsenal scores a goal. And this menacing looking prison tats guy says to me "You one of those fairies that watches soccer, ain't ya boy?" And I said "What kind of fairy are you speaking of dude?" And the menacing looking guy with prison tats said "The faggot kind boy." And I said "Well, seeing as how you're covered in ridiculous looking prison tattoos, I'm guessing you have some experience in that field." This dude said "You know, I did what I had to inside. I ain't no ashamed o that, boy." And I said "I bet you did my man. I bet you did what you had to do, as you so gracefully term it, often. I have just one question for you - pitcher or catcher?"
I was eating lunch with some colleagues earlier and one lady started talking about the hot dog eating contest they have in Coney Island on July 4th. And she was wandering how one person could handle all those hot dogs in 10 minutes. So, I decided to ask this lady "How many hot dogs do you think you could handle in 10 minutes Sandy?" And Sandy says "Oh, wow. Geez. Maybe 4 hot dogs if I was really craving hot dogs and just ravenous with hot dog hunger." And I said "Well hell, if that's the case, you might as well wander over to Nursery Road in Linthicum. You could make 20, 30 bucks for shoving 4 hot dogs down your throat in 10 minutes. They might be crooked and disease riddled, but you know, money is money. Oh, and one more thing. If you do decide to go down to Nursery Rd in Linthicum and hawk your wares as it were, beware of a menacing looking guy with prison tats, because he might request a little anal action."
A lady I work with was just telling me about her brother in law, who is a character actor. He's been in lots of movies and hundreds of different TV shows. He always plays a nerdy guy. In fact, this lady I work with told me he played Mr. Dewey on Saved By The Bell. And I asked very quickly "Is there any way he can get me Kelly Kapowski's number?"
I saw where Barack Hussein Obama has been going golfing just about every week here recently. And I have no problem with that at all. I'm sure it's relaxing and somewhat therapeutic for him. The reason I bring it up is this - when old W went golfing, the press crucified him for it. In fact they ripped him so bad for golfing that he gave it up in like 2003. But old Barry goes golfing and all you see from the press is how cool he looks and how awesome he is to get out with his buddies and play 9 or 18. And again, I point out the double standard. It's pitiful.
I also saw where the late night comics are really struggling with making any jokes at old Barry's expense. In fact, they are still making fun of old W, even though he's been laying low the past 5 months - he's barely said a word. Yet, more jokes have been told about old W then old Barry the past 5 months. Curious, huh? And this is just one more on top of one more example of how the media worships old Barry - he truly is their messiah.
I'm gonna leave you with this today - someone asked me what the other story was about Lon Dicks (the kid who used to stare at me back in school with a raging boner - see post from last week about soccer camp in Ada, Ohio). Here it goes: Lon Dicks had what appeared to be a harelip when I first met him. Well it turned out that he didn't have a harelip. He was riding his bicycle one day when he was around 14 or 15 and he ran into a parked car - yes, a PARKED car. It busted up his lip pretty bad. So, the doctors took a skin graft FROM HIS BUTT and did the best they could to make the kid's lip look normal. Now, the thing that always amazed me was this, if such a thing happened to you, would you ever tell high school boys the story? Would you ever admit that you ran into a parked car and, as a result, you literally had a butt-face? That's how stupid the kid was. He was inviting everyone to call him Buttface. And Lon Dicks couldn't be too sore about it because, well, it was absolutely 100% accurate. That's all you really need to know about Lon Dicks.
The horses are on the track
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