Jason's Drunk Roommate Looks To Daniel Day-Lewis

I was in this place called Generic Bread earlier today and I'm sitting there trying to get some work done and this guy who favored Karl Childers comes up to me and says "You studying that there Intranet?" I said "Exactly Karl." He said "I sure like your hard drive." I could only think of one thing to say to that "How much potted meat have you eaten today dude?" He said "I don't believe I like the sound of that boy." I offered to take him across the street to the Quickie Mart and get him a 40 and see if the guy who played Jack Tripper could get us a deal on pig brains. He didn't take me up on it though. I packed up and was about to leave when the guy who favors Karl Childers says "I sure like your garage." I said, as I walked away "I'm gonna call Dwight Yoakam on your ass in a minute."

I was watching my man Springer yesterday and there was a guy on there in a diaper and he had to weigh like 400 pounds and he had a girlfriend who fed him french fries from a wheelbarrow. And someone from the audience asked if he got an erection from wearing the diapers and having the fries hand fed to him - and he grinned and said "I ain't seen my pecker in 10 years." And I wasn't sure why he was grinning, but if I was in the audience I would of asked this follow up "How many Obama rallies did you go to last year?"

The March Madness is starting up here soon and I was in Get Bent Lounge last week and this guy was wanting to bet on the games. So J is in there and suggests that this guy use my picks and I said "OK, give me your cell # and I'll text you the picks each day of the tournament." He did this and I was nice, I actually entered his info into my phone. Only the name I punched in was - Jason's Drunk Roommate. And if you've never met the guy, trust me that 1)he is Jason's roommate and 2)he is a drunk. I hope he makes a killing placing $10 and $20 bets on the games because he has a terrible mustache and I figure with extra walking around money he might grow it out like Daniel Day-Lewis in that movie about drinking Eli's milkshake. One can hope...

They had a thing on Sunday about the half-ton Mom on TLC and she had two kids and I thought "How did Joe Biden ever come in the right hole - twice?"

I've heard from more old friends on the Faceshit the last few weeks and that's cool and all, but for the life of me I don't get the point of the whole thing. There is all this stuff like "_____ is waiting for Heroes to start." And "_______ wants to snowball." And "_____ commented on Billy's third testicle picture." And I keep thinking, to borrow from the old drunk guy "Who gives a fuck?" I will say this though, I heard from a girl I went to school with and who I really think the world of and that's not so awful at least. Good old Molly Morris.

It gets me to the church on time - TBFH