There Is Nothing Little About Larry Little

I was in line at Subway for some reason and there was a Beck-worthy fat girl in front of me and I didn't think too much of it, but when it came time for her to order here's what she said - "Can I get a 6 inch meat?" And I said, pretty loudly - "Salami?"

I was walking around at a park earlier, trying to get a little exercise, and one thing I've always noticed at this park is that guys sit in their vehicles in this area right out front of a men's bathroom. And I kind of wondered why for some time and then one day a few years ago, I realized what was going down - these guys wait for another guy to pull up next to them, nod or give some secret signal, then follow the guy into the bathroom. Well, needless to say, I never went inside that bathroom after I figured out what was going on. A few times over the years I've seen guys walking out after a spirited round of almost anonymous gay sex and they don't always do a great job of cleaning up the ejaculate smeared all over their faces- but,...Anyway, today one of these guys waiting out front of the men's bathroom at this park in a red pick-up waves at me - as if to inquire if I'm down for some almost anonymous gay sex and I yelled over to the guy - "Do I look like Barney Frank?" I definitely picked up the pace of my gait after that. Wow! - Who are these guys with nothing better to do during the day then sit around and wait for some almost anonymous gay sex? The answer - maybe liberal judges?

I was out one time at the Patrick Bateman's near the Church's Chicken playing trivia and the guy who plays devil's advocate and studies his notes was there. Anyway, there was another guy sitting next to me and he had an iPhone or something and there was a question that the guy running the game had a bad answer to - it had to do with Molly Ringwald. So this guy with the iPhone or whatever checks the World Wide Web of Deceit so I can correct the guy running the game on this issue with Molly Ringwald and then the guy with the iPhone goes off about some girl named Briana Banks. Well, the guy who plays devil's advocate and studies his notes was very familiar with this Briana Banks, but I wasn't. So, this dude with the iPhone pulls up photos of this Briana Banks girl - and I have to say - I haven't forgotten them. If I remember correctly we won that trivia game - they asked Scrubs trivia - too easy.

I was watching the show where they are trying to find America's most competent Karaoke singer last night and they were all performing these songs by the guy who put wine in a Pepsi can for the kid from Home Alone. And say what you will about the guy who put wine in a Pepsi can for the kid from Home Alone - but he does rock - he is a genius. Anyway, the kid who looks like a member of Al Qaeda was on there again and tried to perform Beat It. He was terrible. But, it did remind me of a time my friend Todd and I performed Beat It at a Karaoke night at O'Reilly's Pub on High St. and we were dead drunk. I distinctly remember being asked to leave because I changed the words a bit - Beat her, just beat her man. No one wants to be a fetus.

Speaking of messing with lyrics - my man Beck does this wicked impression of Crash Test Dummies and it's funnier than the parody Weird Al did of that song - by a sight, as Marcellus Wallace would say. When Beck starts doing the impression, I just fall over from uncontrollable laughter. I really do.

I was surfing around the TV last night and came across the guy who used to work with the guy who says En Fuego, steals from Edward R. Murrow, and has been fired countless times. And I feel a little bad for the guy. He's been reduced to attacking other members of the media and his heart doesn't seem in it at all. I get the feeling that a lot of the liberal media folks don't know what to do without old W to kick around anymore. The guy who used to work with the En Fuego guy, steals from Edward R. Murrow, and has been fired countless times was focusing in on some glutton who has a popular radio program and ripping him pretty hard. And I wondered - "Why would anyone watch this silliness?" And apparently not many folks do, because the ratings for his show are pathetic. At least he can go home to his mother after the broadcast each night and suckle at her breast as he worries about being fired again. I have no idea how big his mother's breasts are though. But her nipples are probably hard as rocks from around 50 years of suckling. So that's something I guess. Poor kid.

I sent out some March Madness picks today and what we really need is for the Oregon St./Stanford game to go over 126 and 1/2 points. That would be really helpful. Also, if the Irish, the Aggies, and the Hawks of St. Joe's could cover - that would be cool too. Oregon State is being coached by Barack Hussien Obama's brother-in-law and I hope like hell they jack up tons of 3's. They have this big Dutch guy on the team and he can be lethal from deep. He's no Rik Smits, but then , who is? The Dunking Dutchman - my main man.

As Andrea Cambern said during the height of the abomination that was the Ohio Glory - there is nothing little about Larry Little. The only game they ever won was when Greg Frey started at Quarterback - but all that was mitigated because after the game, the crowd was "treated" to a god-awful performance of the Beach Boys without Brian Wilson. Like seeing Saved By The Bell The College Years in the episodes without Kelly Kapowski - unwatchable.

The best thing in lovin' is a sister and her cousin and it started with a little kiss- TBFH